Had to do an overnight at work the other day. Inventory. It sucked. I did have an interesting exchange. I had to count stuff and the manager partnered me with my best friend Tiffany. She and I haven't spoken to each other in about 4 weeks. We had a heated exchange by text one night and haven't been speaking since. Fortunately we had to communicate last night to complete our task and our usual banter came back surprisingly easily. I'm glad to be on good terms with her again. We've had each other's back for quite a while and for me, not having my close friend in my corner was a bit painful. So last night was an absolute gift. We banished that rift that had lain between us and became friends again. Our ensuing conversation at having to work with each other was familiar and comforting and straight our funny. It reminded me why we became friends in the first place. We don't have loads in common but we get along great. Fantastic, really; and we understand and give each other space and deference. When we do annoy one another we just leave each other alone for a day or two and that displaces what ever made the other upset.
This time we just never spoke after our fall-out. I suspect she was hurt that I choose to bail on her. But I can't confirm it because we just decided to move forward. A large part of me wants to tell her about being gay. I never thought it was an really, really important topic before I lied to her about going to the club. She doesn't know I lied, but that doesn't assuage my guilt. I knew a few months ago that all this would either come out or separate us as friends. I guess it separated us.
I know it's my fault for letting it become the wedge that jacked up our friendship, but I didn't have the courage to tell her. Plus I didn't want to be judged, or quizzed, or trapped....que hago?
Showing posts with label Tiffany. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tiffany. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Not really doing anything
The last few days have been predictably boring. Tiffany and I aren't speaking to one another, but I knew that was going to happen Saturday night. However, we've never gone longer than 2 or 3 days like this. We work at the same store and we completely ignored each other Tuesday morning. It's going to be very interesting which one of us cracks first and is forced to speak to the other. I'm too stubborn break the silence.
In better news I saw this cuuuuuute guy yesterday. I had left the store to go each lunch and was walking, minding my own business. I passed a shoe store close to mine and through the window I saw this guy in a green shirt. I went into the store just to see what he looked like. He was freakin' hot. I asked some girl associate whether they had size 13 in the store, she nodded so I pretended to look at some of the shoes on the wall. I think the three female associates were checking me out. I was thinking 'maybe a year ago you had a chance...' I was focused on seeing the hottie close up. I turned to walk closer to get a better look at him and when I turned there he was walking towards me. I kinda froze [which I never do]. We looked each other up and down. I didn't know what to do, so I kind of just left. I wish I was still wearing my name tag so he knew my name and what store to find me at, but I took the damn thing off as I was leaving so no customers would talk to me. And I forgot to smile [if you are reading this Razz]. ARGH! I will be going back in there tomorrow. Today is my first day off in a bit and I've been slaving for the last three days so I'm going to enjoy it.
I don't have anything else planned. I gotta go work out. April is swiftly approaching and I have plans to go somewhere with sand and waves.
In better news I saw this cuuuuuute guy yesterday. I had left the store to go each lunch and was walking, minding my own business. I passed a shoe store close to mine and through the window I saw this guy in a green shirt. I went into the store just to see what he looked like. He was freakin' hot. I asked some girl associate whether they had size 13 in the store, she nodded so I pretended to look at some of the shoes on the wall. I think the three female associates were checking me out. I was thinking 'maybe a year ago you had a chance...' I was focused on seeing the hottie close up. I turned to walk closer to get a better look at him and when I turned there he was walking towards me. I kinda froze [which I never do]. We looked each other up and down. I didn't know what to do, so I kind of just left. I wish I was still wearing my name tag so he knew my name and what store to find me at, but I took the damn thing off as I was leaving so no customers would talk to me. And I forgot to smile [if you are reading this Razz]. ARGH! I will be going back in there tomorrow. Today is my first day off in a bit and I've been slaving for the last three days so I'm going to enjoy it.
I don't have anything else planned. I gotta go work out. April is swiftly approaching and I have plans to go somewhere with sand and waves.
Friday, January 23, 2009
The punch that you never see coming, that's the hardest one.
I was blind-sided today. I am rarely taken off guard. I like to know what's coming. It gives me longer to prepare my story, practice in the mirror, ready my alibi. There was no such preparation tonight, little forethought, and shock in amounts more ample that I care for. Let me explain.
I just stepped out of my bestfriend's car 5 minutes ago. We had our usual conversation that covered most of the events of the past week. I see her less and less, so there is much for us to discuss when we do see each other. We wove our way through the conversation and ended up in the rumors section. I made a reference about having fun at a club last Saturday and I sprung a trap. During a few seconds of contemplative silence she informed me that there was a rumor about me.
I would like to say "my stomach dropped" or that my "blood ran cold" but the truth is that it didn't. I was calm and collected. I maintain that my business is my business with people who aren't in my close circle, but realistically I expected that eventually someone would start something circulating about me. Tonight I wasn't disappointed.
Tiffany informed my that there was a rumor that I was seen out at a gay club last Saturday. Someone we know, a reasonably friendly associate of ours, said that they saw me, a short guy, and some shirtless guy hanging out together. I was struck dumb. I was dumber than dumb. I was Helen Keller.
I had spent a week fretting over whether Camille would blab about seeing me, and one of my own associates straight up was telling people. *Backstory* The girl was in love with my bestfriend's boyfriend's cousin [the one whose house we went to for new years]. She and I have a shared love of music, and she is very chill. She declared at the restaurant that we went to last Friday that she was going to become a lesbian because her feelings for the cousin were unrequited. I lauded the intrepidity of her decision. Her name is Lyn.
I, after recovering, laughed at the story. It hurt me to lie so blatantly. Ok, that's not true. It came to me naturally. I felt bad lying to my bestfriend, but the denial and a cover-up story spilled from my lips before I could debate whether or not to tell the truth. There were holes in the story and I quickly poked at them to make them bigger. Tiffany deemed that the rumor wasn't true because of the part about the shirtless guy. She didn't know anyone that I hang out with that seemed to fit the description. The truth was that they mistook Ben for a friend, instead of recognizing the reality of the situation. I was a little whore that night and I never really met the guy myself, but was flirting and making-out. I believe that Lyn might have seen that part and reported such, but Tiffany omitted it from the story out of deference for my perceived heterosexuality.
Other than that the story was dead on. Apart of it made me wonder whether Tiffany had found my blog or not. I had already hinted for her to look on google's list of blogs. Could she really have found it? That possibility and an extra memory popped into my head. Earlier when I was in the club I heard someone call my name. Have you had the feeling that someone, like your mother, has called you when in reality you had only imagined it? I had that sensation, but dismissed it. I figured that I was just worried because it was my first night out.
Now, I am in a very interesting predicament. I had my mind sort of made up to ask David to go back to the club with me, but I can't go now. Tiff told me that the cousin and her boyfriend hadn't believe the story either. She paused noticeably to give me a chance to confess. I think it is reasonable to assume that I continued to play my role. I came up with the lie that there was only one gay club in or city and I had never been there before. And since Lyn was drunk when she "saw" me that added to the doubt factor and my story was accepted. What is funny is that Lyn came into the store last night. We spoke briefly and she shopped a bit. She didn't even mention the club. I find that strange in retrospect.
I also think I might have not played my role as well as I could have. Like I said, usually I have time. Tiffany might have begun to suspect something. Now, I gott bring home a girl......
I just stepped out of my bestfriend's car 5 minutes ago. We had our usual conversation that covered most of the events of the past week. I see her less and less, so there is much for us to discuss when we do see each other. We wove our way through the conversation and ended up in the rumors section. I made a reference about having fun at a club last Saturday and I sprung a trap. During a few seconds of contemplative silence she informed me that there was a rumor about me.
I would like to say "my stomach dropped" or that my "blood ran cold" but the truth is that it didn't. I was calm and collected. I maintain that my business is my business with people who aren't in my close circle, but realistically I expected that eventually someone would start something circulating about me. Tonight I wasn't disappointed.
Tiffany informed my that there was a rumor that I was seen out at a gay club last Saturday. Someone we know, a reasonably friendly associate of ours, said that they saw me, a short guy, and some shirtless guy hanging out together. I was struck dumb. I was dumber than dumb. I was Helen Keller.
I had spent a week fretting over whether Camille would blab about seeing me, and one of my own associates straight up was telling people. *Backstory* The girl was in love with my bestfriend's boyfriend's cousin [the one whose house we went to for new years]. She and I have a shared love of music, and she is very chill. She declared at the restaurant that we went to last Friday that she was going to become a lesbian because her feelings for the cousin were unrequited. I lauded the intrepidity of her decision. Her name is Lyn.
I, after recovering, laughed at the story. It hurt me to lie so blatantly. Ok, that's not true. It came to me naturally. I felt bad lying to my bestfriend, but the denial and a cover-up story spilled from my lips before I could debate whether or not to tell the truth. There were holes in the story and I quickly poked at them to make them bigger. Tiffany deemed that the rumor wasn't true because of the part about the shirtless guy. She didn't know anyone that I hang out with that seemed to fit the description. The truth was that they mistook Ben for a friend, instead of recognizing the reality of the situation. I was a little whore that night and I never really met the guy myself, but was flirting and making-out. I believe that Lyn might have seen that part and reported such, but Tiffany omitted it from the story out of deference for my perceived heterosexuality.
Other than that the story was dead on. Apart of it made me wonder whether Tiffany had found my blog or not. I had already hinted for her to look on google's list of blogs. Could she really have found it? That possibility and an extra memory popped into my head. Earlier when I was in the club I heard someone call my name. Have you had the feeling that someone, like your mother, has called you when in reality you had only imagined it? I had that sensation, but dismissed it. I figured that I was just worried because it was my first night out.
Now, I am in a very interesting predicament. I had my mind sort of made up to ask David to go back to the club with me, but I can't go now. Tiff told me that the cousin and her boyfriend hadn't believe the story either. She paused noticeably to give me a chance to confess. I think it is reasonable to assume that I continued to play my role. I came up with the lie that there was only one gay club in or city and I had never been there before. And since Lyn was drunk when she "saw" me that added to the doubt factor and my story was accepted. What is funny is that Lyn came into the store last night. We spoke briefly and she shopped a bit. She didn't even mention the club. I find that strange in retrospect.
I also think I might have not played my role as well as I could have. Like I said, usually I have time. Tiffany might have begun to suspect something. Now, I gott bring home a girl......
Friday, January 16, 2009
I had my Straight Mask on
So, the last few hours of work were so sucky! I made a mistake and was being obsessive about it. My boss was soooo cool. He realized what I did and we fixed it. He knows that I am like a Samurai when it comes to work. If it's not perfect...Seppuku! He always tells me that no one is perfect and I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I can't help it. I have to feel like I got my shit together at all times.
The good thing was that afterwards I had a great night out with friends! We went to eat at this restaurant that had 2-dollar margaritas. It was so great. My boss and a guy from our company came too. They sat at a different table than us, but it was good seeing them outside of work. They are a bit older, so we let them talk to themselves for the most part. My best friend Tiffany, her boyfriend, his cousin, a friend named Marilyn, Valerie, and I all sat together and clowned the whole night. I bought me and Valerie drinks and we had a plain ole' good time. We had drank our margaritas and then this random waitress slides over to our table with a bevy of shots of Jose Cuervo for our whole table. We were thinking "What the fuck?! Random free shots?" and she explains that the drinks are from a gentleman named Jeff [our manager from work who had come], and we all look over to his table and he holds up his cup to us, smile on his face. It was such a great moement! So I suggest a toast and yell "TO JEFF!" and everyone repeats, then some random guys from the other side of the joint yells "To Jeff!". We roared with laughter and downed the Jose and went back to our convo.
Tiffany kept alluding to me and Valerie hooking up, so V and I decided to play it up. We kept pretending to kiss, and she kept putting her head in my lap and moving up and down LOL. We were just being plain silly. So, after the shot of Jose, a free Incredible hulk {which is Hypnotique and Hennessy}, and Painkiller (couldn't tell you what was in that cup but it was good) I was feeling much better about earlier. I wasn't even supposed to go work that day, but Jake couldn't make it so I filled in for him and then my boss asked me to stay. I also love money and I agree with the whole 'have it and not need it' idiom.
So, the night was fun. There were beautiful guys everywhere! I kept thinking that this was some kind of payback for something I did. Guys were everywhere, and talking and drinking, but I couldn't notice any of them. I had my straight mask on. I didn't even know it at first. I am accustomed to being that way in public; especially with friends. I kinda want to go back tomorrow night without those mofos LOL! See who I can pull.
The good thing was that afterwards I had a great night out with friends! We went to eat at this restaurant that had 2-dollar margaritas. It was so great. My boss and a guy from our company came too. They sat at a different table than us, but it was good seeing them outside of work. They are a bit older, so we let them talk to themselves for the most part. My best friend Tiffany, her boyfriend, his cousin, a friend named Marilyn, Valerie, and I all sat together and clowned the whole night. I bought me and Valerie drinks and we had a plain ole' good time. We had drank our margaritas and then this random waitress slides over to our table with a bevy of shots of Jose Cuervo for our whole table. We were thinking "What the fuck?! Random free shots?" and she explains that the drinks are from a gentleman named Jeff [our manager from work who had come], and we all look over to his table and he holds up his cup to us, smile on his face. It was such a great moement! So I suggest a toast and yell "TO JEFF!" and everyone repeats, then some random guys from the other side of the joint yells "To Jeff!". We roared with laughter and downed the Jose and went back to our convo.
Tiffany kept alluding to me and Valerie hooking up, so V and I decided to play it up. We kept pretending to kiss, and she kept putting her head in my lap and moving up and down LOL. We were just being plain silly. So, after the shot of Jose, a free Incredible hulk {which is Hypnotique and Hennessy}, and Painkiller (couldn't tell you what was in that cup but it was good) I was feeling much better about earlier. I wasn't even supposed to go work that day, but Jake couldn't make it so I filled in for him and then my boss asked me to stay. I also love money and I agree with the whole 'have it and not need it' idiom.
So, the night was fun. There were beautiful guys everywhere! I kept thinking that this was some kind of payback for something I did. Guys were everywhere, and talking and drinking, but I couldn't notice any of them. I had my straight mask on. I didn't even know it at first. I am accustomed to being that way in public; especially with friends. I kinda want to go back tomorrow night without those mofos LOL! See who I can pull.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I'm sworn to secrecy
*This should have been posted a while ago, but I just left it in my drafts...
12/22/2008
For the first time in a while I cooked last night. My best friend Tiffany had been talking for weeks about cooking and we never quite got to it. I'm a pretty good cook and we've made stuff before with great success, so finally we went to the store and gathered what we needed to make dinner. Usually she handles the desert and I cook the main dishes. This time we decided to do a little of both. I made a stir-fry chicken and fettucine. Tiff made some mashed potatoes and peach cobbler. I made a secret family dessert and it was a hit. Her boyfriend keeps asking me how to make and I feel bad cause I'm sworn to secrecy.
Present
So, we cooked again last night. I made something quick before I had to go to work, but it was pretty tasty. I always get excited about cooking. I used to do it all the time for my little brother after our older siblings moved out and our parents started working later in the day.
*Update on the book. I will be posting a new excerpt in the next few days. I got some new readers on the blog so I'm kinda excited about that and I think that it would be cool for them to get to read a bit and tell me what they think. I'm going to try to create a poll to vote on whether I should put the prologue back up. So, the people who read can let me know whether it should be re-posted for a bit. Typing about this gets me excited and nervous.
I'll also be explaining soon how I came up with my blog's title and how it all started
Song
"T.O.N.Y." by Solange
12/22/2008
For the first time in a while I cooked last night. My best friend Tiffany had been talking for weeks about cooking and we never quite got to it. I'm a pretty good cook and we've made stuff before with great success, so finally we went to the store and gathered what we needed to make dinner. Usually she handles the desert and I cook the main dishes. This time we decided to do a little of both. I made a stir-fry chicken and fettucine. Tiff made some mashed potatoes and peach cobbler. I made a secret family dessert and it was a hit. Her boyfriend keeps asking me how to make and I feel bad cause I'm sworn to secrecy.
Present
So, we cooked again last night. I made something quick before I had to go to work, but it was pretty tasty. I always get excited about cooking. I used to do it all the time for my little brother after our older siblings moved out and our parents started working later in the day.
*Update on the book. I will be posting a new excerpt in the next few days. I got some new readers on the blog so I'm kinda excited about that and I think that it would be cool for them to get to read a bit and tell me what they think. I'm going to try to create a poll to vote on whether I should put the prologue back up. So, the people who read can let me know whether it should be re-posted for a bit. Typing about this gets me excited and nervous.
I'll also be explaining soon how I came up with my blog's title and how it all started
Song
"T.O.N.Y." by Solange
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