Friday, November 28, 2008

Been away.....

I haven't posted in a few days cause I've been running like crazy. I was trapped at my job all day tuesday, and then traveled home that night, then spent a bunch of hours with one of my brothers and one of my sisters; and I would make a real post tonite, but tomorrow I will be at work from......drumroll...5am til midnight. No, that's not a typo. If you are familiar with Black Friday, then you of course understand. It is the craziest shopping day of the year, and since I work in retail and am exceptionally good at it, I have been asked to stay the entire day.

I will discuss my holiday [maybe how my dad almost ruined it for everyone], my thanksgiving resolutions, and my new dating aspirations.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I Want My Body Back!!!!!

Yes, I've been jacked! What am I missing? A 6-set of abs, a pair of pecs, some ripped quads, and one smokin' hot bum. But I know Exactly who did it...or at least I have some viable suspects. Chef Boyardee, Aunt Jemima, Michelin's [who ever that bitch is], Stouffers, and Bluebell.

I have some leads on where I might find my body though. I'm gonna poke around the gym, produce aisle, the running trail at the park, and the salad bar at olive garden. I want my body back!

Sunday, November 23, 2008


In the vastness of the universe
there exists nothing more potent
nor poisonous, nor wonderful,
nor simple as emotion....

That's it for now.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

What Happens When You Don't Take A Chance?

I went out with an old friend of mine. I had a great time. I really hadn't gone out in abt months, just tied up with work and what not. We decided to go out to get some drinks and hit the clubs.

The night went well. While David and I were sitting in our booth a lady walks by me and tells me that I had the sexiest lips. HAHA! I had simply smiled at her when she walked by the first time, but I guess that it caught her attention... :? I kept checking my lips for the rest of the night. :) I thought that it was strange of her to say. I agree that my lips and smile are my best features. They are my money move. I am a big teeth person so smiles really do it for me.

After drinking we hit the club. We went into a place called Oxygen. I had seen it a bunch of times, but never went inside. It was NICE. It wasn't as packed as I imagined it would be but I still had a good time. I was standing by the bar and some girls were dancing on each other. One stops and comes over and starts grinding on me. I give her a little attention and her friend comes over and makes it a three-some. My buddy who is with me says that I've been getting all the attention tonite. I laughed. He went to the bathroom and I decided to be adventurous. Th girl who had come over to me was now alone. I pulled up a chair and patted it, indicating for her to sit down. Then I dicked her down! I gave her a little lap dance gyrating everything I own on her. She almost fell out of the chair, but I caught the back of it. The funny part was that I did all of this while holding David's drink!

We left a little after 1:30am. I had really wanted to dance some more, but there wasn't really anyone on the dance floor and my threesome partners were gone. I ended up driving home, hadn't had anything but an Incredible Hulk and a Long Island Ice Tea, so I was good. David was a little buzzed. We got to my place so that he could sober up before he went home. I did the thing that I do when I start asking questions, but had told me that the night was supposed to be abt me. He decided to ask me some stuff that was on his mind. I did my usual to steer the convo his way. He was sharp and caught on to my ploy. Then he surprised me. He asked me to show him my dick. Let me stop and say that I had known for a long time that he was gay and he is the only person that I had ever told that I was as well. He is probably reading this right now thinking of all the horrible things that he will do to me, but that's ok. The point of this blog is for me to have an outlet to speak freely and I owe it to you guys to be honest.

His request threw me for a loop. I had always thought of him as a cousin that you really don't see often, but you really enjoy. My immediate thought was this was his last stage of seduction. In my tendency to overthink I saw the night out sort of like a date. I ran through my mind that perhaps he had planned this. But then I also thought, who the hell would want to seduce ME?! Again the request to pull it out came. I didn't reject the request, I simpy told him that it felt weird to go that route with him. Now, nearly 24 hours later, after being at work all day and seeing happy couples, my mind starts to think, why didn't I take the chance? He's not clingy, or needy? I don't think that he would start waiting in my parking lot to catch glimpses of me. Why didn't I take the chance? David cited my tendency to overthink. I agree that I overthink and explained to him why, but he dismissed my answer. Thought I didn't show it, that made me angry. I was honest with him and he sort of wrote it off. I rarely explain myself to people, cause my thoughts are they either don't care of won't get it.

As I'm writing this my mind goes to razz's response to a comment I made on his blog. He posed the quintessential question of whether it [dating Jay] was worth it. And how much would he have to compromise in order to make it work. It probably turned out to be very little now that he's in the relationship and it's thriving, but I have the same thought going on in mind. How much would I have to comprmise to have a hook up with David? I have a Dick over Feelings threshold, and when I pass that I no longer feel like its E, but rather someone else that has taken over.

I always thought [and this will be SOOO corny] that my first time with a guy would be [sigh] special. Not special in the 'I LoveYou' sort of way, but something memorable that I will look back on at be able to laugh at. Had I did the horizontal hokey-pokey with David it would not have met my expectations. And if I'm looking at this unrealistically someone please say something!! But as I follow some of these blogs and browse others, I see relationships of substance proliferating. It makes me think, Damn, I could find a good guy who might be willing to date and be interested in what I think and what the hell I have to say. David had made clear to me that he's not interested in a relationship or anything that resembles such...but what happens when you don't take a chance?

"More to Life" Stacie Orrico

Thought for Today
Why take the road less traveled by?


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Well they're rich.......

What do Lil Bow Wow, Chad Michael Murray, Ruben Studdard, and Tom Brady all have in common....Well they're rich, but evidently they all look like me! At least that's what the face recognition software says. I tried the software [razz has a link on his blog] and my results were very interesting. It was very fun to look at some of the celebrities that have features that the program deems similar to mine. I'm just happy that Rosie O'Donnell or Notorious B.I.G. didn't come up :@

Thanks to AEK, Midorivergreen, Exalen, and naturgesetz, for their comments. I really appreciate everyone's advice, you guys are great! A special thanks to Razz for gathering some support for me. I am on my way because of you guys. I'm lonely Pt.2 Should be up tonite. I will explain my coming out plans, how I realized that I like guys, and why I still want to marry a girl!

Monday, November 17, 2008

10 Things About Me....Like you didn't know it was coming!!

Ok, AJ's boy Matt started this a few days ago. Then Razz over at Doin' me head in followed up with his ten [great blog]. I told him that he was going to start an epidemic of these "10 Things" posts, and I have seen them popping up everywhere since. So, though at risk of being a follower, I was compelled to start my own.

1. I was born and mostly raised in Florida. My sister and I both learned to talk at really young ages, but I apparently only spoke to a select group of people [see fact 9].

2. My parents were both engaged to other people when they met. They were friends for a long time before they started dating. My dad had a daughter and my mom had a son and daughter before they got together. My younger brother and I then came along, but I don't feel like ANY of my brothers or sisters are half-siblings. I never introduce them that way, or specify that we have different parents unless clarification is in order. So I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. That was easier to explain than usual.

3. I am very paternal. I am often the youngest in my group of friends, not by much, usually a year or two. However, often is the case that I am sought out when something happens to someone or advice is needed. I give health advice, relationship advice, etc. I particularly feel the need help people through emotional crises. It's just my thing.

4. I speak fluent spanish, and I'm literate in French. I absolutely love languages. I'm gonna try to study Japanese next semester at school and maybe German later on.

5. I'm really into sports [my brothers are huge jocks]. I wasn't as a kid, even though I played football [American], ran Track, and played Basketball. I now love it all, especially basketball. I have been told many times that I'd make a great coach.

6. I've been told I have a very nice singing voice, and despite playing other instruments I didn't realize that I had any talent until I got to college and taught myself piano! I was visiting my mom at work not long after and noticed a piano there. I thought that I'd try it out just for fun, you know. My mom thought I had disappeared to get out of helping her with something. She said that while she was looking for me she kept hearing a piano playing and even saw some of the staff listening in the doorway of the room I was playing in. She said that she had NO idea that it was me until one of the staff turns to her as she walks by and says [Mrs. E's mom] your son is really good. Is he classically trained? She peeked inside the door and was quite surprised to find that I was indeed seated at the keys playing. [true story!] I've played at several functions for her since :)

7. biggest procrastinator in the history of waiting til the last minute. Its not helpful cause I HATE being late. It enfuriates me to have to walk into a room and have everyone stare at me like I'm a fucking alien.

8. Apparently many of us are ambidextrous. My dad is right handed and my mom is left. When I was learning how to write I would use one hand with my dad and the other with my mom. My dad ended up forcing me to exclusively use my right hand, but I still secretly practiced with my left.

9. When I was a kid I wouldn't let anyone touch me except my mother, my godmother, and my sisters' godsister. That's it. Anyone else try to pick me up or touch me and I would run away or burst out crying. My mom says that people couldn't even look at me. LOL! Everyone still teases me about it. I don't know why I was that way. I think its cause I've always been REALLY shy [something my friends will adamantly deny]. My mom told me that when I was 3 yrs old my dad asked her "Can he talk?". She laughed. I could talk [real sentences] since I was a year and half. My mom said that I wouldn't shut up once she got me going.

10. I've been secretly searching for a movie/book/song that is sad enough to make me cry. I'm very much the opposite of how I was as a kid. I have absolutely no problem engaging people. I am still shy as hell, but I know how to mask that in order to initiate conversation or get information. I am very even tempered. I tend not to get emotional or excited [outside of music], nor down and gloomy. I dislike being hyped up and let down, I just don't let anything get me excited until that thing comes into fruition [I think the exception is hot guys/hot girls! That gets me excite everytime], but I digress. For some reason I just wanna read/watch/hear something that makes me burst out crying. My bestfriend insists that I watch The Notebook. I read a lot and love movies....there is some good stuff out there, just haven't found one that does it for me, something that completely has me bowled over. Suggestions?

Well, at first this was a difficult post. Then as I started writing I realized that I had WAAAAY more stuff than I could put in 10 points. It's cool though cause now you know a lot more about me!

"Thought for Today"
If love turns its back, do I turn mine?

Brian McKnight "Again"


Saturday, November 15, 2008

Can I Have Your Number?

Sooooo, I kinda flirted with a guy tonite. It started when I went on lunch, which was really dinner cause it was so late. I decided to go to this chicken place that I love and the cashier was this really nice guy [niether cute nor ugly, just a guy]. I ordered and struck up a conversation about some drama that ensued at the strip mall where I work while I waited for my food. He gave me a free drink while we talked.

After a few minutes he went to the back and brought my food out. So, then I asked "Can I have your number?" He paused and got all flustered [I think he blushed]. HA!! Then I was like "cause I want to call my order in before I come next time." He realized that I meant the number to the restaurant. LOL! The look on his face was priceless! I told him that the number was on the receipt and that I would give him a call sometime and then I left. The food was good as hell though....I hope he didn't put any EXTRA special sauce on it.

Sincerely Yours

To the One,
I'm sorry
I would have started this with dear
but I know these words won't bring you back
or could have made you shed less tears
I won't go into specifics
cause I know I hurt you bad
and though you may feel indifferent
just let me tell you that
I was scared cause we fell in love too fast
and I thought nothing that felt this good
was ever meant to last
so as you read this letter
just know my heart is in my hands
I hope things between us get better
Not asking for a second chance..........

It feels like all these stop short.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

The Uncertainty of Love

If all is fair in love and war
Is your heart worth me fighting for?
Inside there lurks an innate fear
Of losing all that I hold dear
You say love is patient, love is kind
But if love turns its' back
Do I turn mine?
And keep track of things asinine?

A toast to love and all it brought!
A hound, a pound
A soundless thought,
It's all for naught,
Or so it seemed
Until one finds a love redeemed

Never have I felt this way
"I'm in love!" you start to say
Tempest subsides, clouds retract,
A new sun shines,
The rain refracts,
Chromatic tact,
But flaws mark this plan
Condensation, irritation
You're hurt again...

Just wrote that like 10 minutes ago. Definitely not finished. I didn't even edit it I'm just throwing it up here, so don't be too brutal.

"post"-post edit...

You're through you say
"that's it for me
I'm sick of Love's uncertainty"

I was rereading and that part seemed to come next. Ok, now that's it for now...I think.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Halloween, Hoes, Hit & Run, and Horniness

So, it dawned on me that I had not shared the excitement surrounding my Halloween party. So it started with my friend and I [we were hosting it together] going to a party store. We bought a bunch of decorations and went to redecorate for the party. After spending an hour moving furniture, checking lighting, arguing over what music to play, and who NOT to invite, we finished and I went to Work. I slaved as work, trying all the while to be nice to customers while counting down to the party. Finally at 9:30 we were all done and I escaped.

We decided to change the location to my best friend Tiffany's house since it was easier to rigg up our stuff there. When I arrive from work she had everything ready to receive guests. I had gotten myself ready for all the party hoes [see previous posts for definition], but my friends had other plans for me. I had a so-so day at work and wanted alcohol in my system, so I had three beers, five shots, two smirnoffs and a tooter within 10 minutes of walking in the door. I received several strange looks from my friends, who seemed like they wanted to sign me up for the next AA meeting. I ignored them and slid to the floor. I like to dance, but I am painfully shy, so the booze helped me disregard the other ppl in the room. I ended up pinning a co-worker against the wall and grinding on her...there are pictures of it on myspace.....

I figured that I would just chill for the rest of the night and mind my business, but no, Tiffany had plans for me. She decided that she wanted me and the Valerie to hook up. So that was the plan, but there was a problem. Valerie up and disappeared. We went looking for her, and I kinda lost interest in her. Meanwhile the party was to get far more interesting as we moved to the breezeway outside and began getting uninvited visitors. We didn't mind though, there was plenty to drink and we even had snacks to eat. One guy was tore up when he got there, and as we were on the third story I was surprised that he even made to our party. He tried to push up some of the girls, but they weren't feeling him. Eventually he and Valerie started dancing together. They fell on the floor and somehow ended up with their pants down [don't ask me how]. Luckily Tiffany swooped in and stopped something Valerie might regret. She was so drunk that I doubt that she would have remembered.

I snuck out as the party wound down and called my little brother. I'm not really sure why I called him, but he and I are really close, so he talked to me as I walked back to my apartment [which is only across the parking lot from the party]. I knew that I had taken in too many spirits in a short time and I have a famously strong alcohol tolerance, but I forgot to eat so I could feel the beer and shots of bacardi and rum swirling around in my tummy. I laid down in my bathroom thinking that I was going to vomit, but nothing ever came out and I feel asleep. I woke up an hour later and heard lots of noise. The guy who had come to my party completely fucked up hit four cars on his way out of the parking lot. It turns out that he had taken 6 zanex [sp?], 6 shots, and smoked 6 blunts BEFORE coming to my party and consuming more alcohol. I don't know how the hell he did it but he made it home alive; too bad he lived across the street from my best friend's boyfriend's cousin. They reported the dumb fuck.

At this point I climbed into the bed. I was tired as hell from the party. Then I threw up. I was mad as hell. I spent two hours hoovering over a toliet in my bathroom and nothing comes, then when I get ready to go to bed THEN it happens. Luckily I had enough sense to lean over my bed. I grabbed one of the shopping bags that I had gotten from worked and made my deposit. Some of it got on my laptop bag, which made me pissed, but a trip to the washer cleared that up. I awoke the next day to "what the hell happened to you" talks from my bestfriend and her boyfriend. I told that I left to avoid sleeping with Valerie, but the truth is that I probably woulda hit that if I had found her...uh. The story also traveled fast to my job, cause the next day four co-workers told that they heard what happened and wished that they had come. I told them that they'll bring their asses when I throw a New Year's Party, but I was BS-ing.

So now a week after the party I have decided to find some one. I'm absolutely jealous of AJ over at AJ's ramblings. It sounds like he has a hot thing going with Matt. So now I am in the process of scouting someone for me, not sure exactly what I'll find, but I'll blog when I see him.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

It's Coming

Today my morning began quite early. For some unknown reason I have been waking up at like 8am every morning. Regardless of whether I have slept sufficiently, or set an alarm clock, or intended to sleep in, I have gotten up at 8. My day was fine until 2 hours ago. I missed the bus from my house and I don't have a car. My best friend is acting like an ass, and I hate my job. So, all in all it was a sucky morning/afternoon.

And I know what's coming. I know that very soon my bestfriend and I are going to have an argument. I also know that I am tired of dealing with stupid shit. I very nearly n the verge of yelling that I am bi, and don't give a flying fuck what she thinks, and I am going to be happy, either with a best friend or all a-fucking-lone. Usuallly I am very self-contained, I think that all adults should be. There's no reason to wild-out like you no fucking sense, but damnit I am angry.

Congrats Barack!