Saturday, November 22, 2008

What Happens When You Don't Take A Chance?

I went out with an old friend of mine. I had a great time. I really hadn't gone out in abt months, just tied up with work and what not. We decided to go out to get some drinks and hit the clubs.

The night went well. While David and I were sitting in our booth a lady walks by me and tells me that I had the sexiest lips. HAHA! I had simply smiled at her when she walked by the first time, but I guess that it caught her attention... :? I kept checking my lips for the rest of the night. :) I thought that it was strange of her to say. I agree that my lips and smile are my best features. They are my money move. I am a big teeth person so smiles really do it for me.

After drinking we hit the club. We went into a place called Oxygen. I had seen it a bunch of times, but never went inside. It was NICE. It wasn't as packed as I imagined it would be but I still had a good time. I was standing by the bar and some girls were dancing on each other. One stops and comes over and starts grinding on me. I give her a little attention and her friend comes over and makes it a three-some. My buddy who is with me says that I've been getting all the attention tonite. I laughed. He went to the bathroom and I decided to be adventurous. Th girl who had come over to me was now alone. I pulled up a chair and patted it, indicating for her to sit down. Then I dicked her down! I gave her a little lap dance gyrating everything I own on her. She almost fell out of the chair, but I caught the back of it. The funny part was that I did all of this while holding David's drink!

We left a little after 1:30am. I had really wanted to dance some more, but there wasn't really anyone on the dance floor and my threesome partners were gone. I ended up driving home, hadn't had anything but an Incredible Hulk and a Long Island Ice Tea, so I was good. David was a little buzzed. We got to my place so that he could sober up before he went home. I did the thing that I do when I start asking questions, but had told me that the night was supposed to be abt me. He decided to ask me some stuff that was on his mind. I did my usual to steer the convo his way. He was sharp and caught on to my ploy. Then he surprised me. He asked me to show him my dick. Let me stop and say that I had known for a long time that he was gay and he is the only person that I had ever told that I was as well. He is probably reading this right now thinking of all the horrible things that he will do to me, but that's ok. The point of this blog is for me to have an outlet to speak freely and I owe it to you guys to be honest.

His request threw me for a loop. I had always thought of him as a cousin that you really don't see often, but you really enjoy. My immediate thought was this was his last stage of seduction. In my tendency to overthink I saw the night out sort of like a date. I ran through my mind that perhaps he had planned this. But then I also thought, who the hell would want to seduce ME?! Again the request to pull it out came. I didn't reject the request, I simpy told him that it felt weird to go that route with him. Now, nearly 24 hours later, after being at work all day and seeing happy couples, my mind starts to think, why didn't I take the chance? He's not clingy, or needy? I don't think that he would start waiting in my parking lot to catch glimpses of me. Why didn't I take the chance? David cited my tendency to overthink. I agree that I overthink and explained to him why, but he dismissed my answer. Thought I didn't show it, that made me angry. I was honest with him and he sort of wrote it off. I rarely explain myself to people, cause my thoughts are they either don't care of won't get it.

As I'm writing this my mind goes to razz's response to a comment I made on his blog. He posed the quintessential question of whether it [dating Jay] was worth it. And how much would he have to compromise in order to make it work. It probably turned out to be very little now that he's in the relationship and it's thriving, but I have the same thought going on in mind. How much would I have to comprmise to have a hook up with David? I have a Dick over Feelings threshold, and when I pass that I no longer feel like its E, but rather someone else that has taken over.

I always thought [and this will be SOOO corny] that my first time with a guy would be [sigh] special. Not special in the 'I LoveYou' sort of way, but something memorable that I will look back on at be able to laugh at. Had I did the horizontal hokey-pokey with David it would not have met my expectations. And if I'm looking at this unrealistically someone please say something!! But as I follow some of these blogs and browse others, I see relationships of substance proliferating. It makes me think, Damn, I could find a good guy who might be willing to date and be interested in what I think and what the hell I have to say. David had made clear to me that he's not interested in a relationship or anything that resembles such...but what happens when you don't take a chance?

Song
"More to Life" Stacie Orrico

Thought for Today
Why take the road less traveled by?

~E

7 comments:

Seth said...

DO wait for the right time, to make your first sexual encounter something special you will always remember.

Because, you WILL always remember your first sexual contact, and if you've got the chance to do it right - take advantage of that.

Unlike me. LOL. But thats another story.

Doug said...

I think you did the right thing in not showing David... You should wait until a special moment. And yeah, reading all these great, healthy, loving relationships in the blog world, I'm also hoping for one for myself. Just gotta wait until I find it, I guess. And I hope you find it too! ;)

David said...

AWKWARD lol...okay i think i need to set things straight,first i did not try to seduce u lol trust me if i was we would have skipped the club after the drinks and went back to MY place not yours.Second i just asked to see it, cause we def was not bout to get it on lol.I know it was a wierd request but u know how direct i am,plus you clearly were being so bold that night(the humping lol)that i thought u wouldnt care. Oh and i apologize if i mad u made about the answer that u gave me that was not my intention. So i hope this clears everything up and if u want to talk more u have my number it is no prob.

Razz said...

i was thinking about this, hence the fairly late comment. i'm not sure that what we do when we say we're taking a chance is really a gamble. i think that we have an idea of the consequences of taking a chance. indeed, there is still that doubt, but to a degree the consequence is not entirely unknown to us. it may be subconscious, i don't know. but the fact that you're entertaining the thought of gambling has got to mean that you see some benefit to come from it. then we have to ask if the benefit outweighs the risk. when it comes to finding someone, i would answer yes. the risk is not having your heart broken. that will happen at least once in your lifetime. rather, the risk in my opinion is being regretful later and consumed by "what if" questions.

just my thoughts on this. i don't know if i made any sense here. very very nice post. it made me "self-reflect". thanks.

"allyt"

cheers.

naturgesetz said...

Well, I see David has explained.

In general, I agree with Seth and Doug that it's not a good idea to do something just because you have the chance to do it. There is plenty of time. If you're not comfortable, that's not the time to go ahead.

Mr. HCI said...

I agree it's best to wait for someone special.

My first time with anyone was with a girl who essentially jumped on and refused to get off. We did end up dating* for nearly a year but that first time was primarily just hours of stress that I'd rather not remember, really.

My first time with a guy, however, was with someone special and I will always treasure it.

I said it on Stan's blog before it disappeared so I'll say it again here:

Sex without love is just sex.

Sex with someone you love is magic.

*this was when I was moving from trying to convince myself I was straight to trying to convince myself I was bisexual. Nope: 100% gay gay gay.

Mr. HCI said...

Misremembered myself:

Sex without love is just getting your rocks off.