I went out with an old friend of mine. I had a great time. I really hadn't gone out in abt months, just tied up with work and what not. We decided to go out to get some drinks and hit the clubs.
The night went well. While David and I were sitting in our booth a lady walks by me and tells me that I had the sexiest lips. HAHA! I had simply smiled at her when she walked by the first time, but I guess that it caught her attention... :? I kept checking my lips for the rest of the night. :) I thought that it was strange of her to say. I agree that my lips and smile are my best features. They are my money move. I am a big teeth person so smiles really do it for me.
After drinking we hit the club. We went into a place called Oxygen. I had seen it a bunch of times, but never went inside. It was NICE. It wasn't as packed as I imagined it would be but I still had a good time. I was standing by the bar and some girls were dancing on each other. One stops and comes over and starts grinding on me. I give her a little attention and her friend comes over and makes it a three-some. My buddy who is with me says that I've been getting all the attention tonite. I laughed. He went to the bathroom and I decided to be adventurous. Th girl who had come over to me was now alone. I pulled up a chair and patted it, indicating for her to sit down. Then I dicked her down! I gave her a little lap dance gyrating everything I own on her. She almost fell out of the chair, but I caught the back of it. The funny part was that I did all of this while holding David's drink!
We left a little after 1:30am. I had really wanted to dance some more, but there wasn't really anyone on the dance floor and my threesome partners were gone. I ended up driving home, hadn't had anything but an Incredible Hulk and a Long Island Ice Tea, so I was good. David was a little buzzed. We got to my place so that he could sober up before he went home. I did the thing that I do when I start asking questions, but had told me that the night was supposed to be abt me. He decided to ask me some stuff that was on his mind. I did my usual to steer the convo his way. He was sharp and caught on to my ploy. Then he surprised me. He asked me to show him my dick. Let me stop and say that I had known for a long time that he was gay and he is the only person that I had ever told that I was as well. He is probably reading this right now thinking of all the horrible things that he will do to me, but that's ok. The point of this blog is for me to have an outlet to speak freely and I owe it to you guys to be honest.
His request threw me for a loop. I had always thought of him as a cousin that you really don't see often, but you really enjoy. My immediate thought was this was his last stage of seduction. In my tendency to overthink I saw the night out sort of like a date. I ran through my mind that perhaps he had planned this. But then I also thought, who the hell would want to seduce ME?! Again the request to pull it out came. I didn't reject the request, I simpy told him that it felt weird to go that route with him. Now, nearly 24 hours later, after being at work all day and seeing happy couples, my mind starts to think, why didn't I take the chance? He's not clingy, or needy? I don't think that he would start waiting in my parking lot to catch glimpses of me. Why didn't I take the chance? David cited my tendency to overthink. I agree that I overthink and explained to him why, but he dismissed my answer. Thought I didn't show it, that made me angry. I was honest with him and he sort of wrote it off. I rarely explain myself to people, cause my thoughts are they either don't care of won't get it.
As I'm writing this my mind goes to razz's response to a comment I made on his blog. He posed the quintessential question of whether it [dating Jay] was worth it. And how much would he have to compromise in order to make it work. It probably turned out to be very little now that he's in the relationship and it's thriving, but I have the same thought going on in mind. How much would I have to comprmise to have a hook up with David? I have a Dick over Feelings threshold, and when I pass that I no longer feel like its E, but rather someone else that has taken over.
I always thought [and this will be SOOO corny] that my first time with a guy would be [sigh] special. Not special in the 'I LoveYou' sort of way, but something memorable that I will look back on at be able to laugh at. Had I did the horizontal hokey-pokey with David it would not have met my expectations. And if I'm looking at this unrealistically someone please say something!! But as I follow some of these blogs and browse others, I see relationships of substance proliferating. It makes me think, Damn, I could find a good guy who might be willing to date and be interested in what I think and what the hell I have to say. David had made clear to me that he's not interested in a relationship or anything that resembles such...but what happens when you don't take a chance?
"More to Life" Stacie Orrico
Thought for Today
Why take the road less traveled by?