Sunday, December 21, 2008

What's wrong with me?

So, I've got it bad. Ever since I've began to come to grips with actually liking guys and wanting to date them I have begun to suspect every good looking guy might be gay. I don't know what is the norm with self-revelatory experiences, but {and please keep in mind that I'm lonely} I keep meeting guys and dying to know whether they are gay or being nice. I'm not sure where this is stemming from, but I keep checking ring fingers, mannerisms, length of eye contact and who they are with to see if there is the potential that the individual might be into guys.
For example, I was at work today. I was folding a table of shirts that had been massacred. A guy had come up to my table and we started a casual conversation. After several laughs I look down and see a ring on his finger. I was hoping that he just arbitrarily wore a ring on his left hand-fourth finger; then his damn wife rolls up. This made me upset. I wanted to say "bitch, do you not see us talking! I know you got more shopping to do."
This is why next week I am going to a gay club. I was waiting until a friend of mine could find the time to take me, but I don't have the tolerance to wait any longer. I have to meet someone before I shrivel and die. I suspect that I am close to getting a girlfriend and that actually makes me sorta mad. There is this girl named Jillian and she's alright, but really not what I'm looking for at the current moment.

Thought of the Day
Isn't flirting a way of making your intentions obvious?

"Meant to Live" by Switchfoot


Godfrey Off the Grid said...

welcome to being gay - perpetually wondering. obviously a gay club is a good answer if you're looking to meet someone. just be careful. the type of guy you're interested in meeting might not be the type of guy who goes to gay bars/clubs. impressed that you're going on your own. obviously you'll have to fill us in on how it goes.

Doomed but cheerful! said...

Blinking flip, guv'nor! You've got more neck than a giraffe; more front than Woolworths! But what a shame you can't wait for your friend to go with you to a club - you would be able to relax a bit and have more of a laugh!

And NO - flirting is not just making things obvious - some people use it for entertainment, some people use it maliciously, and some people are hard wired from birth to flirt, and it gets them into trouble all the time.

But flirting can also be a sweet way to test the water, if you will. Treat it like a dance - do it, enjoy it, forget it.

Have fun =]

Steevo said...

What's wrong with you? Let me tell you, E!

You are a gay/bi man in a default het society. That's it in a nut shell.

I've only read a few of your posts so far. But what the hay, I'll blather on a bit cuz u bring up one of my fav soapbox topics.

I met my husband when he moved in two houses down the street and we were in the same second grade class. Or was it third? So my opinion is based mostly on observation and being a born ear.

Godfrey makes a good point. Perhaps u r looking for someone in a less than ideal place.

I have a standard list of other ways based on what other gay men have told me and what i have seen.

1. Volunteer. Become a cute well dressed sincere do-gooder.

2. Join a group like Sierra Club, Young Democrats, Easter Seal Society, AIDS service organization, bike club, mens softball league, yoga class, ballroom dancing, cooking class, community theater [build sets if u cant act. Do publicity, etc.], w/e/. I dont know how out u r, but be as out as u feel comfortable, esp. at 1st. Develop a wide diverse network of like minded people who volunteer/join at th same place. As u know people better, if they ask so do u have a gf? Answer in some way to explain as much as u want to. The more u divulge and get good reactions, the more people will invite u to dinner or a party where there is likely going to be other guys like u.

Several friends met their mates at a str8 friends home. It seems like always being in an all gay/bi social setting eliminates a lotta good prospects.

And be content to just make a good friend. Good str8 friends often have good gay friends.

Finally forget th fantasy that there is one perfect soulmate for u. You start with someone decent, compatible, lacks major social flaws like picking his nose all he time, and work at building the relationship together.

Its late. I need sleep.


steevo in cali

inebriated said...

i'm with you E. i find myself wondering if all these guys that I'm around are gay it drives me crazy at times.

there was this one guy on my floor and he was one of the first person i met when i started school. he was a cool asian guy and i guess i became attracted to him or what not. never knew if he was gay, then i joined dlist or something and there was his face the first thing i see. i sent him a message and it didn't turn out how i wanted it too. i havent talked to the guy since so its made me cautious about doing something like that again and i'm now in the same situation again with another guy who lives in my dorm, but a floor below me.

im so confused.

Doug said...

Well, have fun at the gay club! but like godfrey said, you might not find the type of guy you're interested in there tho. But it's still fun! :)

Steevo suggested the same thing for me.. go and join groups. I'm working on that. There's actually a cool coking school opening up just downstairs and I'm going to take some classes, hopefully meet some new people.

Let's go out there and meet guys! ;)

Anonymous said...

it's a bit of a catch-22 isn't it? you wondering about straight-acting guys, and straight-acting guys wondering about straight-acting you. i agree with both "doomed" and steevo. "do it, enjoy it, and forget it. be content with meeting a friend for now, and build from there."


Steevo said...

do th math, sweeties.... XD

10% of males r gay or mostly gay...

so 1 in 10 that u meet in a random group will be prospects...

u gotta turn over a lotta stones to find a frog....

then u gotta have the nerve to tell him u r a frog too.

then kiss him if u can...

and he turns into your prince charming!

well not exactly...

interact... if u want a quality man w/o sequins and mascara [or if u do and thats fine 2] and a pink "man bag"***.... get out there and say hi!

start a "I never hook up until the 3rd date or later" website. If I can think of it, it must be out there!

***i know i know... almost sinful stereotype... but u KNOW what i mean FFS. And yes, i have several drag queen friends.

some of my best friends are drag queens! hummmm... this is getting worse by the minute.



E said...

very very helpful advice. I've been at work all this morning and had no idea that anyone had posted. A friend who reads sent me a message saying that I was getting some good comments.

GofG: You're right. I'm not looking for love in the club. I'm def not looking for some random hook-up for my first time that'll I'll end up regretting. As soon as I elevate my status to slut, THEN I might do something shameful.

Doomed: Flirting. Yes, I'm one of the born with it. I flirt with a few of the females at my job. They think its cute. They're always sexually harassing me afterward ;}

Steevo: I have been SOOOO immersed in work lately. I do think that as the new Year rolls around that I will have more time on my hands. I really do need to join some kind of social group though. I am really shy, so that kind of thing is difficult for me. Lol! "I'm a frog too!"

N-E-briated: It is torture because of where I work. Hot guys come in daily; and it is difficult to know who could potentially be a good partner if you don't know whether they even play for your team of not!

Razz: Oh its so hard. Not everybody is fire on two legs like you. What you said does make a LOT of sense though. I act straight, so they're really not sure about me, and they act straight and I don't want to freak them out either. We just dance around in a circle forever. That's why I'm going to the club. Because the gay/straight assumptions are left at the door.

naturgesetz said...

I think it's only natural to want people we find attractive to be gay. A steevo says, only 10% of them are. But we can interpret things about them as signs that they are, when they are actually straight. It does make it difficult.

I've never been to a gay club and I only know what I've read on people's blogs. But I will say from what I've read, they seem to be more the place for anonymous encounters than finding someone for a ltr. Well, you'll se how it reallly is when you get there.

TNC said...

Perhaps you suspect every good looking guy to be gay because you have the desire to concretely identify gay men who satisfy certain criteria. Unfortunately, it's not going to be easy because gay men are just as diverse as straight people and come from all backgrounds and have different looks. It is especially difficult to identify gay men because we live in a straight world. When meeting others, the assumption is that they have a straight lifestyle unless told or signaled otherwise.

My advice is to keep an open mind and not pursue the science of identifying strangers as gay or straight. I recently attended a gay event and saw that being gay transcends many things, such as age and race. Some looked obviously gay, but most looked as normal as any other stranger.

With time and some patience, you will reach a point in your coming out process where you no longer need to figure out which good looking men are gay or straight. It will no longer be important that someone you meet or interact with is straight or gay, because it is just one aspect of their lives. I hope this makes sense.

jay said...

I think the number may be higher than 10%, or at least it is higher of those that are going to try something at least once just to find out. That 10% Kinsey scale is a bit outdated. People are more open now than they were when that was done I think. Although it might be just wishful thinking.

I can never really tell if someone is or isn’t. a few times I got it wrong, I just had to learn to be subtle and obvious at the same time…lol most times if they were gay/bi/curious they would pick up on it (even if they were married) and if they were str8/not interested they would not notice. It is an ‘art form’

Lol I’m a big flirt too, and it has gotten me into trouble sometimes... but always fun.


Anonymous said...

That's common.

However, I am not so sure a gay club is the place to begin; but that's just me.

Marc said...

It's not always obvious when someone is just being nice or interested. That said, after a while, you start to recognize the vibe. One of the things I've learned along the way is that half the fun is learning how things work, meeting new people and seeing what's out there. Anyway, just relax and the more comfortable you become with yourself, the more opportunities to meet guys will present themselves. Just try to enjoy yourself and the meeting people part takes care of itself.