Argggg....I have had TWO opportunities in the last 2 days to come out to my best friend. Let me explain:
On Monday night we were coming to our apartments (we live in the same apartment complex and our respective buildings are directly across from each other), and some how we got to discussing the topics of penises. I don't like the word penis, so hence forth we shall refer to it as dick. So, she said that gay men have the biggest dicks, and I said, "really...pause...that's interesting." So, she asked me why is that interesting? And I said, "I didn't know that they had bigger ones than we did." Why didn't I say something like "I didn't know we were so highly thought of," or something "We just got it like that!" basically something other than "I didn't know that...blah, blah, blah".
The second was today. We were watching Iron Man on dvd, and we we talking about the prominence of superheroes in little boys' lives, and how every little boy knows abt Iron Man/Superman/Batman. Then she says, "You gotta be gay if you don't know who they are." I honestly don't believe that she said it to be pejorative towards homosexuals in any way, but it offended me. It was the first time that I was hurt by someone being negative towards gay ppl, and that it was MY friend made it hurt even more. I really wanted to say, "I'm gay/bi and I know who those guys are. I love sports. I'm not prissy, or sweet. What does being gay have anything to do with it?" I didn't say any of that, but I gave her the look. It's the face that I give her when I think that she's being dumb about something. We often have discussions about gay stereotypes [my sister's gay...and out...I'm proud cause she has more courage in her pinkie than I do in my entire body, but I digress...] I usually say that she's not being fair cause she is supposed to be a progressive minded person, and she should be tolerant of other ppl's choices. One day we had a discussion (what I call our small arguments) about gay people, and I said to her, "...and what if I was gay?" It was funny cause she paused for a moment. I think she was weighing the odds of me liking guys. She said that she had NOTHING against gay ppl, but she didn't understand it. I told her that it was ok, it's not meant for her to understand. I told her that I don't understand why she acts like a bitch during her period when she could just medicate herself and be fine. That made her laugh! But I got my point across.
The issue that's worrying me is that we are getting closer and closer to the truth. I've made one too many sexual references over the last few weeks, so now she is convinced that I need to get laid (which I do); and since we are having a Halloween party, she thinks that it's the perfect night for me to hook up with this girl from work who has been in love with me for two years. We'll call her Valerie. Valerie has made it plain that she has the hots for me. Last summer I had a "get drunk and pass out wherever" night at my old apartment. She was one of the ppl that were there, and we almost did something very naughty, but I couldn't seal the deal because i felt weird. On another occasion after leaving the club one night we were at her house and she put the moves on me, played with the doodle [what Josh from Alwayshard calls it] and what not, but my friend was in the bathroom and I did not want her to know that I slept with Valerie, so again, nothing happened. Let me make it clear that she IS NOT my type. I have a really nice smile, and I have a thing about teeth...enough said about that subject. So, we have just been friends since then.
Now, there is the issue of my pending Halloween party, which seems to really be happening this Friday. I was supposed to spend today scouting party hoes....I don't think that I need to explain what a party hoes is, BUT I will give a quick synopsis. A party hoe...coined by my brother and I, is a young lady that does not miss a party. The bitch be everywhere. If there is shit going on, then she knows it. Chick knows where it is going down and knows who will throwing the best shindig, so party hoes are useful in getting the message out to the public and convenient for the retrieval of sexual favors. End synopsis. This might be the most revealing thing on my blog cause only my tight-knit friends and my brother call ppl party hoes, unless its out there somewhere else and we've never heard it. My scouting was interrupted by having to go costume shopping though, so tomorrow I'll try before work.
Today's Thought
"What the hell is cruising, and how do I do it?"
Song
"5:19" by Matt Wertz
~E
4 comments:
What I've learned is that if you're not ready to do it, then you're not ready. There's no rushing. There will come a time when you ARE ready, and you'll just know within you that it's the right time. Don't stress too much about it.
And about cruising... it can be many different things. Being at a bar and just checking out the guys can be a form of cruising. Standing outside the bar looking at people walking in and out can be cruising. Waiting in the bathroom stalls for anonymous sex is cruising. Can be fun, but can also be kinda dangerous! Just be careful!
i'm sure you've thought of this, but what about coming out to your sister first? and enjoy halloween. don't stress out about valerie. put one of your guy friends on her for the whole night. unless they can't be trusted, lol! cheers.
You'd think it'd be easy when the "perfect" opportunity presents itself, no? But it never works like that. I don't know if there's a defined time when someone is "ready," but the time will come regardless.
Best of luck.
Im pretty sure Valerie will be okay with it I mean yall are already like a Will and Grace already lol. But seriously u know i can def relate to this subject,u know how hard it was for me but what i found out was that if someone is your real friend and cares about u then nothin will change I mean look it only made my friendship with u stronger. So when u get the courage just tell her(hint:alcohol helps out alot lol!)
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