Saturday, February 14, 2009

Half-Truths and Birthday Suits

Well, Tiffany and I had an important talk today. We've recently started speaking to one another again. Our overnight really alerted us to the fact that whatever had driven us to not speaking to each other had dissipated over the last four weeks.

So, today she texted me, telling me what she got her boyfriend for Valentine's Day [the gifts are awesome] and asked if I wanted to hang out. I accepted and we ran all over town and had a really good time just like we used to. I tried to force myself to tell her while we were riding, but I couldn't summon the courage. So, I just told her that I had something important to tell her at 7. After mucho shopping we decided to have dinner at Chik-fil-A. We ate in the parking lot. It was there that she brought it was half past 7 and therefore time to spill whatever I was holding.

So, I told her that I lied to her. She asked me when and I told her it was the beginning of January. It took her longer than I expected to piece the date with whole club ordeal and our subsequent fall-out, but she did get there. I confessed that I was really there with a two friends. I told her that I didn't come with the shirtless guy. He was simply standing beside me when that fucking snitch, I mean mutual acquaintance saw me there. She then asked whether it was a gay club, to which I answered yes. I believed that we were headed toward the heart of the matter now.

Now, I thought surely the next question would surely be "are you gay?" or "do you like guys" at the very least "why were you at a gay club"! There was nothing. I believed at that point that it was truly obvious that there was something wrong with the situation, but she didn't ask me anything. Now, I know my best friend. If she thought that there was more to it, she would have asked. If there was the chance that she believed that I was gay then she would have asked. It seemed like an obvious revelation, but I don't believe that she understands yet.

I can't say that I'm disappointed that the whole story didn't come out. I think I need to take this one step at a time. It was a very big thing for me to go back and be honest about lying to her. I wasn't happy about it in the first place and I wish I could have taken it back. Not only would it have saved us three weeks of being upset, but it would have also completed what I continue to evade. Telling my best friend I'm gay.

*Birthday Suits: Yesterday while we were shopping for Valentine's Day and she was looking for lingerie to wear for her boyfriend. It was then that she asked if I had procured a Valentine, to which I replied no. She suggested Valerie. I was turned off. Valerie and I are simply friends. I know that she wants something more but I am not willing to lead her on when I know that I can't ever be with her. She is not what I am looking for in a girl, IF I was looking for a girl. And currently I am not. I'm still trying to spot the hottie from the shoe store!

After looking in several places we could not find any under garments sufficiently sexy for her to wear, so I suggested that she go over to his house in a trench coat and her birthday suit! After a few seconds of serious contemplation we just laughed. I told her that there might be a draft, but I'm sure that it would do the trick.


J said...

i think i would have been way too frustrated in that situation and probably would have just blurted it out or fainted from anxiety

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

I am cooking some curries at the moment, and the main is really 'in your face' palate challenging stuff. The sides are less direct, more complex layers of flavours, that should develop slowly, and with some subtety.
I know which you would prefer - but they are all curries.

That you choose to present your friend with your story in installments, with time to digest each episode, is no less valid than a direct, 11-reeler, IMHO.

But do tell her; I think you will both feel more satisifed =]

Mr. HCI said...

Hey! There's nothing about birthday suits in this post!




Good for you for getting the ball rolling!

Aek said...

I think I agree with J above, I might've passed out from the anxiety. Or cried. Or hyperventilated. Or something.

It takes a lot of strength and courage to say the words you need to say. It's easier if it's prompted by the person you're telling, and all you have to say is "yes" or "no" (still hard though).

She may need to mull it over a bit, and maybe you too. But eventually, it'll get to where you "want" it to go. For the moment take a breath and then plan for the next move.

Best of luck with everything! Oh, and Mr. HCI was right about there being no b-day suits. Fail. :P