Monday, February 2, 2009

Unable to cope with complete homosexuality...

A small post before I go to the gym. I've been at work since 9am. Just left and 9:30..PM....I love money, I love money, I love money.

Ok. I got a little frustrated. I mentioned my gay coworker before...well there are three of them, but the one that I interact with most. His name is Jake. We talked for a bit today. We usually take turns sharing stories and asking questions. Today he asked me what I consider myself. He has asked me this before by text message one night. I told him African-American, 6'1", 220lbs. He laughed, but I knew what he meant. He wanted me to describe what was my specific orientation.

Today he asked the same question. I told him that I wasn't sure what I classified myself as. If I see someone attractive, irrespective of gender, then I think they are attractive. Why is that not answer enough?! Of course, he says that I have to like one sex better than the other. I told him that's its about 50/50, but I could see he wasn't satisfied with that answer.

This why I kept this whole thing to myself in the first place!!!!! I didn't want someone to do exactly what he intended to, which is try to force me to choose between girls and boys. And it feels like to me that the question is a trap anyway. If I say I like girls more, then he will just assume that liking boys is just experimental college phase that I will eventually dump in favor of being straight; and if I say I like boys more then the assumption is that I'm really gay but hanging on to the thought of liking girls because I am unable to cope with complete homosexuality.

I despise this question and from here forth refuse to answer it unless I feel like it is a genuine question with no hidden attempt to categorize me.

I'm still in my Vegas Skies moment as I love the song and will be buying it from iTunes shortly. But if I had to select a song, then I would chose.... Million Ways by J. Rice. He's an excellent vocalist. My favorite song by him is One More Day, absolutely amazing lyrics. I guess that's enough of me gushing over music. If this is just an terrible part of my posts that you guys ignore just say so and I'll stop the song of the day. But I kinda enjoy doing it. I guess I'll post a poll!!!!!!!!!!


Aek said...

I hate that question too. I'm constantly fighting internally to see where I lie on that scale, while some people try to categorize me. That question always makes me feel lost and unable to think rationally. Maybe I don't want to face it, I don't know.

jay.osa said...

i have always just said i am me. i never put a 'label' on myself. if some asked my it would depend on who i was with or who i was looking at when they asked. it was never the same answer because i never felt the same from one min to the next. i think my friends that know thing I'm nuts.

J said...

can i jump on the band wagon of hating this question or is it too late?

Razz said...

fuck em. people who insist that you have to be one or the other are the ones who are insecure about themselves. so fuck 'em. cheers.


Mr. HCI said...

Part of the reason for the question is lots of us (me, my husband, friends of mine, people I've never met, etc.) first came out as bisexual. I can't say for others but, for myself, I just wasn't willing to yet accept that I'm 100% gay gay gay.

After being out as bi for for over a year, one night when I was calling college friends and coming out to them, I said to a friend who used to make homophobic remarks, "I'm gay." I didn't even think about it; I opened my mouth and that's what came out. Then I realized I'd finally accepted myself for what I am.

Having said that, though, I'm not one of those who thinks you have to pick one or the other. Everyone is different.

I admit I don't understand bisexuality but I also don't understand heterosexuality.

Ryan said...

The basic fact that you blog about men a hell of a lot more than you do about women makes me feel like you're picking a side.

I know that if I were 50/50, I would never touch a guy in my life. If being with a woman could bring me the same sexual satisfaction as being with a man why would I ever get involved with guys? Why bother dealing with the social stigma, difficulty of meeting people, "coming out", secrecy.... if women are equally appealing?

If you have great sex with women, if it satisfies you just as much as men do, if you list after pussy the same way you lust after cock - then be straight.

In my experience, women make much better, loyal, loving partners. Women can give you children and a very happy comfy suburban life. Your employers would rather you have a wife, your friends, family...

If your attraction to both is truly 50/50, I don't see why you wouldn't just commit to women and rid yourself of all this gay social acceptance crap, and open your life up to the happily ever after everyone seems to like so much.

naturgesetz said...

@ Ryan — but ypu can't help who you love. A straight guy can find a certain woman more attractive than the rest. Then if they break up, another becomes most attractive. Same with gay guys and the guys they love. So maybe a bi guy would find a woman at the top of his list at some point and a guy another time. It all depends on who happens to be in his life and available at a given moment.

If I thought it were as simple as you do, I'd deffo agree with you, though.


Steevo said...

We humans are far too complex for all of us to fit into nice little clearly labeled boxes or categories. But if someone wants or prefers that box/identity, if he/she needs to have a clear specific identity because she/he thinks that way and lives that way, fine by me.

We get to decide. If others can't handle that, well it is their problem to either solve or live with.

I guess I don't usually mind the question because it likely reflects how a person thinks or sees the world around him/her.

So there! The vicodin is making me very tolerant today! LOL!

E said...

Aek- I knew that you'd understand.

J- Nope. We're still accepting members.

Razz- I hadn't felt quite strong enough to say that, but thanks!

Mr.HCI- Yes, we all differ in some respect. I'll cite that if the topic comes up again.

Ryan- [sigh] I blog about men because it's what I'm unsure about. If you read some of the older post you would see that I ignored this part of my self for a long time. I knew it was there but decided not to act upon it.

Sexual gratification does not mitigate attraction. There are people that have great sex and still cheat. If it was easy as choosing and continuing to ignore the other urges, then I would have never started this blog.

That's very interesting that you should say that you can't understand why I can't, to use your phrase, "commit to a women". I think that your inability to grasp my 'failure' to commit is the same as many heterosexual people's failure to understand why you want to be with a man. They don't understand all of the elements that constitute why you are attracted to a person of the same sex. Fathoming what could appeal to you from an individual of the same sex is difficult to them. They will probably never grasp it, just as you will seemingly never grasp my situation.

However, since understanding appears to be key to you, I urge you to study this: You have just as much of a choice as I do in respect to deciding whether to marry a woman and avoid the intricacies of pursuing romantic relationships with men. But you actively choose each day to be with a man, so you're speaking conjecturally when you say things like, 'if' and you 'would'. The point is that you can and you could, but you CHOOSE not to be with a woman. You knowingly accept the fact that you are gay and you act upon it. I've dated women. I might marry one, but I can no more dismiss my attraction to men than you can. If such a complete dismissal were possible then it would absolve both of us from having to deal with all the issues of homosexually as delineated by you. If the choice were as simple as you make it sound then I would have already made the it.

Anonymous Blogger said...

hey, personally, i think you are lucky. You get the best of both worlds. You probably hear that all the time too, but if I could, I would totally have sex with a girl. but I think he wants you to choose, so that he can make a move. haha. you could totally mess with him though. One day just be like yea I like boys, the next, nooo, i think i like girls.

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

very stupid question from a very stupid man.

unlike a can of beans, i don't have a label stamped on my ass, nor a 'use by/best before' date. nor is there a 'serving suggestion'!

as a wise man once said to me:"my boy, you're unique - just like everyone else."

joshua said...

People has gotta do away with the idea that everything can fall into the lines and boundaries of specific categories.

Be damned with that.

Gotta start taking everybody for what they are deep down, as an individual and not merely some figure under some 'group' per se.