Tuesday, January 20, 2009

If It Gets Around

I had two days off work. One of which was spent recovering from the events at the club. It was such an exciting/scary/learning experience for me. I never thought that I would have the guts to even kiss a guy. Well, that fear has passed. And as a special treat it turns out that I'm pretty good at it!

I am very grateful to my friend David. Although we fought, his actions [whatever their motivations] prevented me from committing some random hook-up. I was very clear that I wanted a memorable experience. Though reasonably cute, Ben was not the guy to bring into my bed for the first time. Thanks David!

It is back to dealing with my real-world issues though. As mentioned in my last post I saw a girl from the place where I work. It was clear that though we recognized each other, we would not acknowledge the others presence. I am mostly concerned about her opening her big fat mouth. I've been at my job since June 2006 and have not [to anyone's knowledge] had a girlfriend the entire time. Now, I don't think it's any of their flipping business what goes on in my personal life, but after a few scandals I am know how personal information gets around.

I'm not really sure what I should do. There are...one...two...three gay guys that work at my job. She is the only gay female. Only one of the guys knows that I'm gay and I'd like very much to keep it this way. Do I contact this girl [whom we shall refer to as Camille] and tell her to keep our run-in to herself? Or do I play the whole thing as though there is nothing out of the ordinary?

I don't know what her impressions are yet. I was so absorbed into making-out that I didn't even pay attention to whether or not she had left the scene or not. Any advice?!

"I Come To You More" by Kim Burrell

Thought of the Day
"How of often do you play dumb?"



jay.osa said...

i would just let it go. she may not even bring it up. she had to of come out at one point and knows that it is not easy and that your not out yet. add all that up and she might not say anything and just wait for you to say something. then is she did i would just play it off.

naturgesetz said...

Unless she is totally mean-spirited, asking her to keep quiet about it is a good idea.

If you say nothing and she thinks it's really exciting, she might want to share it with her friends. So if you ask her not to say anything and she's at all decent and respectful, she'll honor your request.

Of course, maybe she won't say anything anyway, but why take a chance?

Aek said...

Truthfully, I don't know how you should handle this situation. You know her better than any of us, do you think she'll confront you and/or blab?

As to your thought of the day, my answer is "Every time in lecture."

aron2631 said...

I'd say leave it. Assume everybody is an adult and will act that way.

J said...

depends on how much you trust others and how much a gossip she is

Rapha said...

maybe she's also wondering if she should or not tell you not to tell other ppl you saw her there...
anyway, I would let it go...


Diary of a Mad Latino Man said...

My famous words, "FUCK IT"

If she puts you on blast then fuck her man. She must be living a lonely life if she is going to put your business out there on blast.

I am also glad to hear everything is good with you and David. I have a lot of friends like him and I just have to brush every action they committ off!


Mr. HCI said...

Wellllll . . . straight guys do end up in gay bars sometimes.

I remember I used to get rather miffed when straight couples would be practically having sex with each other on the dance floor at gay clubs (for the record, I didn't like gay guys doing that, either).

So, she might not necessarily have thought you're not straight.

E said...

I'm in the don't say anything, and maybe she won't bring it up state of mind. There were straight guys there who clearly had no interest in meeting guys. That is not the part that worries me. I began kissing the guy in front of EVERYONE and I have no idea if she saw or not.

Now, I am expert at playing the dumb role. I do it because I am privy to lots of personal info abt ppl. If she saw me there that proves nothing [as noted by several of you]. I am concerned over whether she saw me sucking face with the guy.

I think I will continue to take most of your advice and say and do nothing that acknowledges that we were both there. I don't really see her that often...maybe once every two weeks.

DieseljockNYC said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DieseljockNYC said...

I agree that you should just let it go and not even worry about it. She may have the "its his business, I don't care" mindset and you bringing it up could change that. I think you're better off keeping your business YOUR business and if it comes up, handle it then. :)

naturgesetz said...

Well, "*if* she has the mindset that its your business" is a pretty big "if" IMO.

"If it comes up later, handle it then."
Just how do you handle it then? It's all around that you were there, matbe all around that you were kissing a guy. How do you handle it? How does Dieseljock think you can "handle it?"

Your call. You know your contemporaries better than I do. But consider carefully what's the best possible outcome and the worst possible outcome of the various possible courses of action. Consider how likely each possibility is. Make the decision which seems most likely to produce the outcome you want (or least likely to produce the outcome you don't want).

Good luck.

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

J said what I was going to! So ditto!

'Sucking face' - yet another new expression for me - so many this week! (And deliciously graphical - glad it was fun!)

Chill - G =]

Ryan said...

I feel like the truth always has a way of getting out without your permission - especially when the truth qualifies as "juicy gossip".

Before I came out, this asshole spotted me at Starbucks with my first boyfriend. We weren't making out, we weren't holding hands, we were simply sitting there drinking coffee but the asshole deemed me gay by association. He turned out to be one of my cousin's friends and he purposely outed me to my aunt and uncle that night.

All it takes is one big mouth and shit can get very uncomfortable very quickly.

I think I would talk to her. If you don't, there's no telling what she might do - either now - or in a few days, weeks, months. At least if you talk to her you can tell her your motivations and why you want your privacy respected. If she doesn't know the discretion you want then she might let something slip innocently. On the other hand if you talk to her, she will think twice before letting something out in casual passing.

Ryan said...

I've always thought it would be fun to write a novel but the scope of a project that large is overwhelming to me. Plus it seems like every idea and storyline has already been taken, so "fresh and new plots" are difficult to come up with.

I want to read the prologue of your novel. If you don't repost it can you send me a copy to read over?

Mr. HCI said...

If there are out gay guys and gal at work, why are you worried about being found out? I'm not being critical, just curious.

E said...

HCI- That is a very reasonable question. The answer is simple. I'm afraid. I am my boss' favorite. He is very progressive thinking and tolerant, but I don't believe that it would be conducive to my opportunities to advance if I were out. That, and I don't think it is any of their fucking business. Please excuse the crudeness. That is as civil as I can put it in respect to my co-workers.

And as I am just coming to grips with this myself, I have to decide how "out" I want to be. I still have aspirations for a family, and IF I choose to marry a woman I would not like any speculation as to the validity of our relationship.

There is much I have to think through before I decide to come out to anyone else. I am very analytical when it comes to decision making. The two people that know are enough for now.

Good question. Keep 'em coming!

Mr. HCI said...

That makes sense and I certainly understand. My coming out process was very slow. It started when I was just shy of 26 and I didn't tell a second person 'til I was 27½ or so. I don't think I was out to more than half-a-dozen people 'til I was about 28¾ and I didn't tell my family 'til I was 29.