Invention is to Necessity as Horniness is to......

... Signing up for a gay social network. Yep, that's right I did it. Adam4Adam. I was so scared, because I didn't know how deep the ramifications could resound. It took me 10 minutes to hit the create account button. Most daring thing I've done in the past few months, I mean I didn't post any pictures, or give any semblance of my real name, or describe myself in any distinguishable detail, so I can't honestly say there was any danger in opening a profile. I managed to convince myself that this was simply a soft check into the site; a way to peek and see if gay guys were as cookie cutter as they appear in pop culture, or if we are as varied as I hoped. Um, it was interesting. I was glad to see not everyone tried to dress up like Lady Gaga, and there were guys who were had similar outlooks for partners that I did, like the guy that posted this:

college grad. still needing a brother

24, 5'11", 195lb, 32w, Muscular, Brown Hair, Some Body Hair, White, Looking for Friendship, 1-on-1 Sex.

just moved to Columbus from Athens. Graduated UGA 08. Served two years in Military as an MP. Discreet. Have own place. Like guys around my age (younger/older). You must be goodlooking. Like dark skin guys. No fems or flames.

hanging with friends. all straight i guess. just needing a bud once a week or so to screw.

Military, Out No, Smoke No, Drink Occasionally, Drugs No, Zodiac Leo.

Top, 8" Cut, Safe Sex Only, HIV Negative, Prefer meeting at: My Place.


Made me laugh, but I feel very much the same.... except maybe about the screw once a week. We'd have to kick that up to three times a week for the first few weeks. I'm not sure whether it's coincidental or maybe it's the result of a conversation I had with Jake earlier that made me sign up for the site. I've known about it for a while. David is on there and often visits. I tease him about being on porn whenever I peek into his room and see him on :}

Anyway, Jake and I have been texting not so much conversations as damn novels recently. After our small strip tease a week back and me asking probing questions about oral and anal sex frequently, tonight I chose to ask what he preference as far as type of men. Turns out we both covet smiles. Teeth are an important asset, especially to me as they are a useful tool for disarming people. Apparently when I meet people for the first time I looking mean, so I tend to smile to assure them that I am friendly and approachable... but I digress. I decided not long ago that Jake was as trustworthy a person as I know, and that I would have a raging hard-on forever if I don't get some insight in this new world.

So, we talked about our individual types were. Jake said he like them funny, sweet, sexy and flirty, and I confessed about my thing for jocks, whew. Love 'em. Short hair, nice chest, good smile, what more do I need..... my pants just got a little tight... got to readjust... and there we go... I told Jake that I need someone who can fight, that way we can wrestle each other's clothes off ;> and if we get into a tight spot at the club [or anywhere for that matter] he has to be able to "throw the hands" [my kid brothers term for fight], so I know he has my back. Must love Disney; that requires no explanation. We LOL and compared and contrasted. It was helpful. Made me very conscious later on what to look for while browsing Adam4Adam.


The site also made me wonder how many guys are walking around like me. Are there other people horny and frustrated and looking for a guy, but not quite willing to put it all out there? I asked Jake a few weeks ago what are the signs if a dude is interested. He said, "Same way with girls. They flirt. Excessive talking. You can just tell. They come around you for dumb reasons. Things like that. Same as normal." Now, to me this made sense. If I see a guy that's attractive, or a girl, I tend to try to find questions to ask, reasons to stand close to or look at them, etc. If they work at the place where I spot them all the better. Make's getting and retaining their attention easier. However, there is a stark difference between flirting and walking away with someone's phone number. I think my lack of interaction with gay guys really hurts me here, because I have no idea what the "code" or special way of recognizing each other is, or if we even have one. And if not, do the rules that Jake is talking about still apply for a guy trying to get another guy's attention.

***So this is an call to all man-whores, committed guys, headhunters and glory-hole gods. How do you pull guys?! How is it done?*** please feel free to explain in a comment on this post or make your own post breaking down your technique and hyperlink it.

How Low Can You Go?

OK...had some fun in the great indoors tonite. Jake, a cute guy from work and I struck up a friendly conversation via text message today. Now, I am notoriously poor at returning texts. It's not intentional, I just get immersed into whatever I'm doing and texting slips my mind. Apparently the same goes for phone calls.

Well, Jake and I started at about 2pm yesterday. We joked a bit about various topics. We eventually got to my homosexual experiences, if such a laughable record could be called experience. He told me that I could ask anything I wanted to know about. So I asked. The conversation turned out to be enlightening. We discussed everything from bottoming, oral sex, identifying and responding to flirting, and a few things in between. In the midst of the conversation we drifted to why he doesn't top. He said because he's too large and it hurts people. Naturally my mind spun with the possibilities, and naturally not having a bevy of experience with dick, I wanted to see his. So, for about three hours we teased each other about one sending a picture to the other. I initially decided to go safe, and took a pic of my lower body, with my hand grabbing my junk. He countered with a picture of his lower abs.

I have mentioned that I am an "in the moment" guy. The less time to think I have, the more "fun" I am according to sources. I got swept up in the moment and finally I acquiesced, praying that this would not come back to haunt me, went to the bathroom, snapped some shots in the mirror. I started with some pubeage [sic] and just a peek of shaft and then took four more progressively lower pictures, each showing more than the previous.

In my mind I tried to think of all the ways that this could spin out of control and take a giant bite out of my rear. A few minutes later I receive a picture from Jake similar to mine. For the time, being "in the moment" was paying off. I decided that I like this game; enough in fact, to raise the stakes. I message a little dare about upping the ante and sent a second picture. Though I am a shy person, and I detest that I let my physique fall into disrepair, curiosity and my tendency to be bold "in the moment" pushed me. I had to wait a little longer, but sure enough was more of Jake's dong. ***Since it has been so long since I posted, Jake would be cute, out gay guy that works with me. Everyone loves him. Cool dude.***

Being horny, and having the breadth of my same sex experience happen at a club nearly a year ago, I was hype. My pictures came out decent. I was actually laughing because it looked like I had plenty of dick. DOES NOT seem that way in person, but I guess I should ask someone to look around there and give me there opinion ;).but back to the story....2am... Low wasn't low enough. I sent my third picture. I guess I was all in, but I still couldn't reveal the full monty just yet. The fourth picture was me in all my humble glory, but I needed to know if he would go for it. I had ran out of penis at that point anyway.

My hopes were dashed however. I did not receive a third picture from him. He fell ASLEEP!!!!! To be fair he had driven a few hundred miles on a road trip for the weekend and it was nearly 4am at this point. I vow compensatory actions, but let him sleep. I'm gonna ask to touch it or something freaky....damn I just planned ahead. Whatever I ask for, I won't plan it. I'll wait and play it by ear, see what I come up with...any suggestions?

Also, I asked Jake how to approach and/or tell if a guy is interested. He gave me some very concrete tips. If there is something that any veterans or just plain lucky mofos want to add, I welcome it.

Kinda just bored

Hi all. I know its been over two months since I posted, I've kinda just been bored and lazy and not logged on, mostly cause nothing of note has been happening since my birthday. I have been trying to stay abreast of the life and happenings of the blogs I follow. Hopefully in a few weeks I start back.. Keep posting as I enjoy hearing your triumphs and empathize with your failures.

Johnny and Tiffany on the spot

I actually have quite a bit to blog about, so there should be a few posts during this week. I turned 23 on Monday, and my best friend threw me a massive birthday party!

Today however, is dedicated to seeking advice and telling an interesting story:

At around 8:30pm today I met a boy. I was walking out of our local Best Buy with Tiffany (my BFF). She had just bought The Wolverine DVD. Well, on the way out the door I spot this tall, tan, hispanic guy. I clearly know the guy is hot right off the bat, but walking up to a random guy and hitting on him is out of the question. Instead I point him out to Tiffany and suggest that she approach him, give her a small push in his direction and flee the scene. She punks out and completely passes him by. I could not let her off the hook. She's a very pretty girl, but i know first impressions aren't really her strength.

So (with my little brother talking to me in my bluetooth headset) I bust a U-turn, stroll back into Best Buy, and find the guy. He looks up and I see in his eyes that he recognizes me from outside. So, I walk up to him and asks if he has a sister. He tells me yeah, but she back home in Texas. At this point I have to backpedal a bit. My bait didn't work because there is NO way I would put him and a sister that lives 1000 miles away together. So, that little lie to strike up a conversation was out and so I decide to roll with the truth. I tell him that my friend saw him outside and thought he looked cute, but was too shy to talk to him. I'm conflicted now, because I want to tell him that I think he's cute too, but I was too cognizant of my brother on the phone, Tiff waiting outside, and all of the last minute shoppers and staff at Best Buy to say those words. Instead I play it cool, shrug and walk away. My heart was beating so fast. I had just called a man cute without anyone, including myself for a few moments realizing.

He calls out to me. I wanted to hang up the phone and drag him to the bathroom. Instead I half turn and lift an eyebrow. He tells me that he just needed some batteries and he'd be out in a bit. I nod my head non-commitally and walk out the door. I convince Tiffany to wait for him as we chill in the parking lot. I didn't get in the car so that I could remove myself once he came out so that the two of them could talk alone. I try to coach her a bit as we wait. She's not the confident type, but I can't let her blow this for either of us.

He comes out of the store and nearly misses us. I was leaning in the car window giving tips and when I saw him I stood straight and waved. He came right over. I was going to let Tiffany bag him now that I had cornered him, but she wasn't even able to speak. So, I again stepped in and introduced her leaving a blank space open for him to give his name. "Johnny", he tells us. I rolled the name over my tongue, wishing I could someday moan it while naked. Since he is dressed in athletically I ask if he plays anything. A pure ploy to find out how sexy face got sexy body. He replies Basketball and football. He is instantly in. Both Tiffany and I love basketball; it was one of the first things we bonded over, and I can tell her interests perks even more. He has a great build, so I ask if he's military (which isn't uncommon as there is an army base close). I asked how long he's been in the city (as Tiffany has not taken over the convo yet *sigh*). He tells us one year. I prob for friends, hangouts, and hobbies. Then I ask for his phone number. I suggest that he and Tiff exchange info and at this moment she finds her tongue, but I am already in lust, but being a good friend I take a stroll.

I watch from afar, my brother following what he can while on the phone. When I see Johnny stand up straight and move from the window I return quickly. I realized that I hadn't introduced myself to sex on two legs yet (which he shall henceforth be known as. JK. But no really. He's smoking hot). I walk up and he turns to me. I shake his hand. I thought for moment he was going to go for a hug, but nothing happens :-(. I tell him we'll call him and he goes for his car.

I quickly copy his phone number from Tiff's phone to mine. There was no way I was going to give her the chance to lose it. We talk about him on the way to her apt and end up putting the movie on hold trying to decide our next move. I try to express interest for her to start a dialogue, thinking the entire time about what lengths I would go through to see him again. One of my roommates and I play basketball twice a week. I think I'm going to invite him the next time we go out.

That's all for now. My computer has been giving me trouble for weeks, and I had to type this post on my ipod touch. Sorry for any typos, but I had to get this one down in the record books. Thoughts?

Lean and Reach

Work went pretty quick this morning. I feel a little guilty though. I played a bit of a peeping tom today.

I adding a fixture for some extra stuff that came into the store this morning. It required me to get on a ladder and set it up. While gathering the materials that I needed, I noticed that the new guy (oh his name is Allen) had the same shirts. I told him that I was putting them up and he could put his set with mine.

He came over to me and I asked him to get on the ladder because I changed my mind about how it should be set up, so I stood under him as I guided him as to how I wanted it. My new set-up required him to lean over and reach. This resulted in me being able to see right up his shirt. I admit without shame that I exerted my best efforts to keep him on that ladder for as long as possible.

In other unrelated news, My 23rd birthday is swiftly approaching. I'm feeling quarter-life crisis is coming with it, so I must do my best to feel accomplished within 4 weeks.

Not Much Going On

My life is really boring right now. Kinda just work and home. I did have to buy a new phone on Thursday. My phone decided that it was going to do what it wanted despite my objections. So, I ended up spending $300 on a new blackberry. The good thing is that I get a mail in rebate, so I get some $$ back.

I do have to work more on my 'I don't care face'. We have a new guy at work and trying to be friendly I started light conversation. This ended up being the a recap to the last five years of his life! Like personal information that should be withheld until you know someone much better. I was sad to learn that he had a girlfriend. I figured he would, cause he's moderately good-looking but that doesn't stop me from imagining him in my shower haha. He had to reach high for something last week and his shirt came up a little, FIT!

What's With The Sudden Interest?

I decided to visit my family for the fourth of July weekend. At first I thought to work because I wanted the extra money, but then reasoned that I hadn't been home in a while and missed the people with whom I share genetic sequences.

I didn't tell my little brother because I love just showing up. He was at the basketball court and my mom and I went to pick him up. He thought I was our father at first. I laughed and enjoyed the fact that he was surprised and happy that I was home. He is starting to look more like an adult which is disturbing to me.

Though the primary people that I wanted to see were my niece and brother, I actually ended up spending most of my time with my mom. I'm the middle child and have felt kinda swept under the rug, but over the last year my mom and I have grown closer. I've moved into the dependable child role, this being justified from the evidence that the moment I walked in my mom counted off a list of things she needed done for the house. I was during one of these projects [me re-doing a window treatment] that the conversation somehow steered to relationships. We were talking about people we know having children, and marriage, etc, and my mother asks "What about you?" I damn near fell of the step-ladder I was using.

I didn't know why she thought to ask me this at first, but it dawned on me that I'm the only of her children that is never visibly in a relationship. My oldest brother brought his ex-fiancee to visit four years ago, had a child last year and may be expecting another in the late winter. My sister has brought several female "friends" over the house [she is lesbian]; and though my baby brother has just ended his first serious relationship with a girl, he has introduced us to his lasts few girlfriends, and he's still in high school. I have not so much as mentioned that there was someone in my life.

I do not know what goes on in the mind of a parent, but I'm afraid. Here is their handsome [all parents think this of their kids] son, who is smart, with no girlfriend to speak of. There has not even been mention of a girl, even in passing, in at least ten years. I know my parents. They are nosy and tend to speculate when we [their children] are not around. I'm sure they have begun to wonder and its likely that at least one has brought up the conversation to the other. The conversation I dreaded them having. The conversation that I knew would come up eventually. The one that I hoped would not be brought up before I was 30.

"You want children" She asked when I said nothing. I understood that I either had to come out OR craft my answer very carefully. Since I'm a freaking scaried-cat I went with diplomatic answer. I told her that I take being a parent very seriously and I might not have children as I enjoy being an uncle, but could possibly change my mind. "What kind of girl do you like? White girl, black girl?" That's what she asked next. I could have died. Straight dropped dead and it would have been medically feasible. My death certificate would have read died from nosy mother and possibly shock. I decided that, whether intentional or not, she set the sword up and I did not have to fall on it. So, I took a deep breath and told her the truth. "I always figured that I would marry someone a few years younger than me, but ethnicity isn't important. I'm more concerned about what's between their ears." Good Dodge, E!!!

That seemed to satiate her, but as I was typing this I had a little back and forth with my brother. I told him that our mother had asked me a personal question. He, with no prompting, asked if it was whether I was homosexual or not. Now, I know my brother. The fact that he used homosexual made me think that he was trying to use a word that would be non offensive, if by chance I was attempting to come out to him. That's great, it means that some of me has rubbed off on him but it also means that the thought has run through his mind as well. He told me that he would have asked me if he thought I was gay, and that he has gay friends and I don't fit the mold. He did confess that my sister [the one right above me {the gay one (the one that could just ask me if she was curious!)}] had been asked by my mother if I was straight or not. When I asked him about further details he said it was a time ago and that he could not remember the rest of what he overheard.

Note: This will only cause me to retreat farther into solitude. Not only will I now continue to NOT discuss my dating life. I will not discuss anything in relation to what I deem resembles a question that delves into the realm of touching something that pertains to or could breach the subject of my personal life. Thoughts?

Today The Music Died

The King is Dead......

Awkward.....

My life is still moving at a lightning fast pace with.....challenges each day, but I'm handling it pretty well if I can toot my own horn. The only problem is that I've been tooting my own horn for months now. I want to toot someone else's. Or at least let them toot mine ':) actually someone did want my horn; and still disturbs me to think about it.

It started at work. I was exploring the building that I work at, it being massive and all, and I saw a familiar face. I tried to ignore him, but he was going the same way I was and soon fell in step with me. I saw realization dawn on him as recognized my face. I swore mentally because I realized that he had been shopping at my other job recently. That is when he asked me if I worked there. I confirmed that I did and we introduced ourselves. That very night he showed up at my other job. Luckily we were closing and I had locked the doors already. He yelled his name through the glass and told me to email him at our mutual workplace. I agreed. This was Monday.

Needeless to say I did not email him. On Wednesday he saw me in the hallway and admonished me for not emailing him. Now, I was busy trying to learn how to do my job, I didn't have the damn time to email him. I told some lie and he let it go. He did however ask me for my name. I gave it and when I got back to my desk there sat an email in my inbox from him.

I decided to be mannerful and email him back. Apparently he took that as showing interest and he sent me his cell phone number. I was taken back. He then asked for mine. I immediately saw the stupidity of his approach and would not allow myself to commit the same dumb mistake. I also didn't want my mobile number flying around this building. So, I texted him instead, daring to hope that I was wrong about the feeling in my stomach. We messages back and forth and he ended up inviting me out. I, of course thought that he meant a multi-person function. After consulting with David I came to the realization that he wanted to go on a date.

I couldn't believe it. I was trying hard not to panic as I got on the bus to head to the other job. I was snapped out of shock by my cell phone ringing. My "corporate" job's ID popped up on the screen. I thought that my trainer was calling me. It was him trying to confirm whether I would be attending a get together at his house tonight. I told him that I had to work and couldn't promise that I'd make it. I was quietly flipping out as I dialed David and gave him the rundown.

As I rode I prayed that this fool wouldn't be bold enough to show up to my job. He didn't but I did receive another text asking if I minded if it was just me and him tonight. If not for several people being in close proximity I would have strung together a colorful group of cuss words.

Right before I go to work I called Tiffany and we talked about it briefly. She was as shocked as I was. She doesn't know that I actually am interested in guys, but I draw the line at 35+ year old stalkers who prey on new staff.

I took a while before I replied. When I did I told h that I had already invited my girlfriend to the movie night and couldn't blow her off now. He texted back that he thought I was single. I did not reply.
The chance of me seeing dude again are terribly high. Any suggestions on how to not make this awkward? I mean I want a boyfriend, but I have heard how badly people get talked about in this building. I definitely don't want my name in that mix.

4 weeks of Madness

I hope this short update doesn't turn into some long rant. I'm writing this on my iPod touch, which I still have not been able to put down. For those who have checked in on me from time to time, I just want to thank you. I have been continuing to read everyone's blogs, despite not commenting as frequently. My job(s) has been kicking my rear for the last 4 weeks. We are nearing the completion of training and I'm not performing at level that I'm happy with.

In other news, I saw Star Trek the night it came out and must reiterate the superlatives that it has earned. Good movie. Oh! Speaking of movies, Aek reminded me of somethig when he posted about the gay gene. While watching the previews for Angels & Demons, I saw the trailer for the new Cameron Diaz movie: My Sister's Keeper. I think this is the 1. If you've read my 10 things about me, then you know that I'm not very emotional. I often heard about ppl crying b/c of a sad movie, then I see it and it really isn't that sad to me. Well ppl were straight crying after watching just the trailer. My eyes were watery and stuff after seeing it. I couldn't believe it. But the movie is gonna be the 1 that just breaks me down. I know it sounds pathetic, but I rarely make an emotional investment in the characters; then I find it hard to empathize when tragedy strikes. The kids in this movie act their asses off. I don't think anyone who sees it will leave unaffected by the performance (based on what i've seen.)

Other than that it's kinda been work, work some more, eat in between, then try to salvage some sleep.

I love Apple

Just got an iPod touch last weekend and I already can't live without it, and it only compounds my desire to get an iphone. I like my blackberry, but I downloaded some very helpful apps today that just completely won me over. I'm probably gonna give my touch to my baby brother and buy an iPhone and a 32GB touch this summer.

I'm too busy to have anything else exciting to report. Only that I will be moving two times very shortly. Once into my old roommates apartment, then again when we find a house. Hopefully the house comes soon after. We saw a few we liked a lot, and though the process remains more less than difficult than I expected but more that I hoped it would be, I retain hope that come early May I'll be settled for a while.

Other than that I've been working with no end in sight. So much so, in fact, that I feel diminished at other things. And it's funny cause the people that know me well are looking like "E, are you slipping?". I keep thinking "Well, you work 70 hours a week, juggle finding a house, a car, clearing up your credit, and finding a way to fit summer school into your schedule, THEN tell me how long you perform at a peek level."

Enough ranting. Gotta shower and try to get the most from 5 hours of sleep.

Razz, Remembered

I just read a post on NG's blog about a fellow blogger named Razz. He died on March 26, and through whatever miracle, his best friend managed to contact one of the bloggers here to report the news. After several weeks without posting, I had started to believe that he might have passed. He died from complications of pneumonia, though his recently discovered bone cancer is what weakened him the most. The levity at which he handled his condition will always be inspiring to me.

Razz was so very integral to my experience here. He was the first person to reach out to me when I started my own blog, and I will never forget the time he took to provide a perfect balance of advice and humor. His sagacity, bravery, and cleverness will not be forgotten.

To his family and friends, please let the memories of his love and your time together comfort you. To the many of us who met him online, I know you share the pain I feel at such news because you are acutely aware of how exceptional a person he was. To those who haven't had the blessing of stumbling upon his blog I hope it will remain a testament to the person he had been, and it will continually remind me of what I want to be like when I grow up. Razz, the enormity of your strength absolutely astounds me. To Chris, Cheers!

Razz



Week 4

I know I haven't been posting much, but that's because my time has not been my own. Between starting a new job, working 70 hours at that one and my previous job this week, planning the purchase of a car, and trying to move into a house with three close friends, I have been completely tied up.

Whirldwind Week

Where do I begin...ok. After a very speedy hiring process I finally began at my new job on this past Wednesday. It was more than I imagined. Just walking on the premises was fulfilling, but it was very difficult, and I will explain why.

Wednesday, a day I both feared and eagerly anticipated arrived in a flash. I awoke that morning with a familiar feeling. Fear, excitement, apprehension molded into a driving force that coalesced in the pit of my stomach. It was the same feeling that I had had when I had first moved back to Miami with my family and I was preparing to begin middle school; the same feeling as my first day of high school AND my first day of college. An innate instinctual reaction had built up inside of me. Again I had the opportunity to create a whole person from nothing. No one knew me. I could take all the things that I liked from other people and use them to transform myself into something wholly admirable.


I very nearly did not take the chance. I was frustrated from not being able to find a true source of transportation. I had to be at the facility for training at 6am. It was the only training class available. I cringed initially at what waking up that early everyday for 12 weeks would mean for my sleeping habits, but I recalled the pay and shook the thought. Wasn't this the chance that I had prayed for? The one that I had seen everyone get and squander? I had told myself that if I ever got my foot in the door that I would never carelessly let something like this elude my grasp. My phone's dull ring tone broke the six a.m. silence. It was the cab driver telling me that he was downstairs. I glanced once more in the mirror to check my appearance. It offered me a glimpse of realization that this was really happening.

The cab driver knew exactly where I needed to go. That did not stop him from passing the turn. He offered up an empty apology. I told him to stop. I paid him and walked back to the building that housed my future. It only took my half a mile on foot to reach the water fountain that the HR lady had told me would be my signal that I had reached the correct building. I strode up to the golden double doors. This feature seemed to be a recurring symbol among the corporate buildings for this company.

I pulled my new badge from my pocket and fixed it to my belt. The badge is designed to be a name tag and entry key for employees. I scanned my badge over the black sensor situated next to the golden rotating door. I waited, yet nothing happened. I scanned it again. Still nothing. I stepped to an alternate set that allowed security to admit visitors. Through the glass I could see the guard sitting behind the desk. He let me in and greeted me. I told him it was my first day and my card was not functioning properly. He scanned it over his own pad at the security counter. His facial expression told me that something wasn't quite right. He made an adjustment and handed it back to me .

After he seemed satisfied with whatever he fixed, I asked for directions to the bathroom. He told me and I skirted the security station and entered the corridor leading from the vestibule. The place was simply beautiful. There was a considerable amount of detail put into the design and it showed. The very first wall had a expertly crafted collage denoting the history of the company, from its' founding by three brothers half a century ago, to its' international expansion in recent years. I was further rewarded with a lounge area next to the restrooms. It was quite large. I was impressed. My awe didn't last long as another security guard approached me. He asked that I come with him.

I was escorted back to the security station that I had visited shortly before. There seemed to be some joke that I was not in on. They again asked for my badge, scanned it and stared at the screen. They made another adjustment and I received my badge back. The officer that had escorted me back gave me a quick tour, showing me the lounge (that I had already discovered), the restrooms, and my training classroom. Though I was paying attention, I was also looking for signs of cameras. The officer had found me so quickly that it had unnerved me.

I was not able to spot a single camera during our tour, which culminated with us getting coffee in the lounge where he had found me. Eventually the time came and I carefully retraced our tour to the classroom where I would be prisoner for 12 weeks. Our trainer introduced himself and my first day officially started. Eight hours later I realized that we had done nothing but joke and talk. It was the easiest day of work in memory.

I had decided the night before to implement a new strategy with this job. I wanted a low profile. I disdain attention. I means that someone is always watching me. It means that expectations rise and my berth of responsibility grows. I would do everything to fight that at this job I told myself. So, when the trainer took roll I had already decided to not answer too many questions, not to correct anyone, not to use any "big" words, not to try and shine in any fashion. I just wanted to be average all around, an ordinary student. Then he asked the question that I had been dreading. He wanted to know who the bilingual employees were. A young lady raised her hand. I resolutely left mine flat on the desk. In my world, this was a set up. If I raised my hand it would tie me to a set of expectations that I was not willing to embrace just yet. The trainer looked around the room confused. He said that he thought there were more bi-lings that just her. So, he went for the profiles. He asked, "Who is E?" My stomach dropped. Our eyes met as I slowly raised my hand. He sat the paper down, satisfied at having ID-ed the other bi-ling. Then he made a reference as to whether anyone could speak anything else. My hand rose on its' on accord and I told him that I was literate in French.

Oh, how I wish I could take this back, because it wasn't long after that that I received my nickname, on the first day no less! I'm am now known as "The Interpreter". Far too much attention I told myself as I resolved to say nothing for the remainder of the training. Then as if to remind me that WHEREVER I go there will be something that points me out, I am visited once more by security. Oh yes, they came to my class. Again, they requested my badge. They left and returned with it later. This time I was told the reason for their puzzled looks. It turns out that my badge belonged to a 47 year old white guy that was terminated recently. No one altered the credentials in the system and when it was scanned, the guy's face popped up instead of mine! After a few laughs we settle down. So much for the my plan of laying low. When I came in on Tuesday I would find that half the building now knew the story.

In spite of my plans being thrown slightly of whack, the rest of the day went well. A friend came and picked me up afterward and we went to Panera Bread. It was soooooooo good. One of the good things about starting the day so early is that it ends early also, and I had lots of time to hang out and have fun afterward. I do find that I am still heavily scheduled at my other job. I found a bus that actually stops close to the building of my awesome job and puts me out close to my retail job, so I am in effect balancing the two rather well. I had to work at both jobs on Thursday and Friday, so it was a test run for me as to whether I could effectively do both jobs. The results were pleasing. I think the most appealing part is that I have now have two incomes!

Updates coming soon

I post this as I'm getting ready for my other job. I have had a fantastic week full of challenges and triumphs; disappointments and determinative changes. I will post all about my awesome new job, my burgeoning role at my other job, and how I absolutely refuse to be single for another year.

A blog, a badge, and a BIG problem

So, I'll start off with the guy I met last week. No, it was not a romantic meeting. He is only 17, which is FAR too young for me. If he is interested in me (cause he keeps sending me messages) I will find a polite way to let him know that I do not care to go to jail. I did not give him my blog name. In fact, I completely disregarded the question all together. He didn't ask again, so either he forgot or got the hint.

I did go today to get my badge and parking permit from my new job. It begins Wednesday and I'm super excited. I must confess that all the details are still fuzzy. It feels like it happened so fast. Last Wednesday I was suffering through having to have a spontaneous conversation in Spanish over the phone, now I'm having to prepare myself to work in the IT headquarters of Globally recognized company. Trust me, after dealing with security I had to go through to get a badge, I understand the magnitude of this. A friend actually pointed out that I start of the 1st of April. I told her that I would be the ultimate bad joke if I was being 'Punked' or something.

The thought of me receiving my badge and parking permit made me aware of the fact that I have no car. This is my current BIG problem. I did not know that I would be working at a building on the opposite side of town from where I thought I was going to start. I'm absolutely mortified because I have to work this out within the next 24 hours. I have to be at work super early for the next 12 weeks and I can't allow myself to fumble this opportunity. AHHHHH!!! Tiffany and I are going tomorrow to see if we can find prospects. But I don't know what to do, and with little money and even less time I feel like my unexpected blessing is slipping away before it even fully gets here.

Any suggestions?!

I wasn't a morning person until this week!!!

I was gonna post this yesterday, but when you read you will understand the massive amount of things that I had going on....

So, I had my interview on Thursday. At the end of the interview she told me that there weren't any positions within her department. She did say that she would let me know if something opened up. It was a stock response for an interview. I admittedly was kinda down.

I ended up calling the hiring lady who called me two weeks ago to invite me to test for this company. We discussed my results and me coming in to complete some other assessments. She had told me that I had done really well and that the results were impressive. This was Wednesday.

On Friday I received ANOTHER call. It was from the lady who had administered my Spanish interview. She told me that she mentioned me to a colleague who expressed interested. I spoke with this lady and she wanted me to go to a building and complete registration the same day @ 2:30! I went and had to complete a BUNCH of long docs that required much signing. Then, in an effort to knock out everything in one day, I ran over to do my drug screening.

By the end of the day I was offered a job that starts NEXT WEEK!!! I was kind of dumbstruck. A week ago I was told that I might have to wait several weeks, if not months for the job I originally wanted to begin! Now, I have a one [that pays well] to start the middle of next week?!?! What tripped me out later was that I never completed a face to face interview with this lady. We had a brief conversation on the phone that morning and again that afternoon. She decided that she was going to hire me, despite the fact that she has never even met me!!

Isn't amazing what God will do?! He has engineered a situation for me that just defies all logic. I was so excited I had to tell someone. I phone David and we talked, at length, about this whole experience, and all the things that haven't been going so well for me in the last year. There is something to be said for maintaining faith. It is the sustenance of the weary, the quintessential component of hope, and the highest mitigating factor of doubt.

But you've got all the skills....

I went to school today; thought I'd drop by the room where I began learning how to play piano a few years back. A young guy was in there. He was playing, but stopped and got up to leave when I arrived. I encouraged him to keep going because he sounded good.

He played for a bit, @ 5 years in he is pretty good. I love listening to people play. I concentrate so hard when I play that I don't get to really enjoy hearing it. So, it was fun listening to his style.

He asked if I played, and of course I was modest and told him that I could, but that I hadn't been playing as long as he had. I sat down and kinda just slowly played a few chords, basically fooled around for a bit as I let the progressions get more and more advanced. The look on his face meant that I had accomplished my mission. He was impressed. I asked him to teach me something since he was the more tenured player. He laughed and said that he might have more years, but I had more skill.

Before I left he asked for my phone number. I gave it to him, and we've been kinda texting back and forth since. He then asks for my facebook, so I give it to him. If figured it wouldn't kill me to be his friend. Then he actually hit me while I was writing this post to ask me what I was doing. I told him that I was writing in my blog and that I had mentioned him. He proceeds to ask where I blog, so I told him. Then he asked for the blog name.........

I Have To

go in again and test at the place that I went to last week. This time I get to do the English scenario, so it should be less anxiety involved. I also completed the phone portion today. Whew. She actually did most of the talking, which was FINE by me. It went ok. I'm not overjoyed, yet not disappointed. I rarely get nervous, but this was one of those times. Hopefully I'll see her in person and get to talk face to face to cement my candidacy.

8am

That's what time the lady from my potential new job called this morning. I was soooo freaked out. I had just barely rolled over and my phone began to ring. Now, I called her last Friday, but she was leaving the office and she told me that she would call me this past Monday. Monday came and went and I received no call. I thought that it would be polite to give her another day before calling her, as I'm sure she had plenty on her plate.

Yesterday I was all planned to call her. My boss asked me to stay later at work and I straight up just forgot to call. So, I dedicated today to ensuring that I spoke to someone in that dang building about this job. Lo and behold my phone rings 15 minutes ago. Since I programmed her number into my phone, the company name pops up on my caller ID. I was trying to clear my throat and pretend to have been awake, but I'm not sure how well that worked.

Anyway, I got good news...and bad news. I've been cleared for the grammatical/writing portion for my bilingual portion. Now I have to speak to someone on the phone...in Spanish. I'm nervous, but excited. I haven't had to USE my Spanish since I lived in Florida, so we'll see how this works out.

Now, tell me one more time....

Spoke with the hiring agent Friday and she said that she would giving me back a call on Monday to confirm my interview. I'm really anxious, usually the weekend zooms by, but these last few days have gone so slow. I did have fun at work.

I was standing in the center of the store behind our Main marquee when a tall, blond woman and an older female companion walk up to me. I politely asked them if they needed help, to which the blond replies in a strong British accent: "I'm looking for a short dark denim jacket." I was in love. Not with her. She was a bit too old for me, and blond (unless he surfs and has abs) usually doesn't suit my taste. Her accent was bloody beautiful though.

So, I tried to pretend as if I did not hear her and asked her again, but she saw right through me! I was sure that we did not have exactly what she was looking for, but I thought that I'd treat myself to just a bit more of her accent. I radioed another associate preparing to ask for the item's availablity, but paused and pretended to forget the question. So she humored me as I asked her to tell me one more time what she was looking for.

Though we didn't have a short jacket, we did manage to find one that she favored and I was rewarded with the story of how the woman and her husband met the Brit and her husband 11 years ago. Then I met her husband who thanked me for helping his wife and lessening the torture of having to shop. His accent wasn't quite as stunning, but I enjoyed hearing it all the same.

Long Day

Thanks for all the support!!! I arrived waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay early. I was the damn building at 6:45am, so basically had over two hours to blow. I was excited and disappointed because they tricked me just a bit.

My interview was preliminary testing. I had to pass some skills tests, and basically display my foreign language proficiency. The lady who presided over the "talent acquisition" had us all [about 8 other people] go into a room and log onto a computer. We had different scenarios to assess dealing with the possible positions we would go into. Then the bilingual testers [this woman and me (yes, that's grammatically correct)] had to do a listening portion in Spanish and then a grammar portion on paper.

I finished first, which kind of worried me because I usually take longer with these kind of things. But the lady told me that I had done exceptionally well and that I passed the prelim and everyone who passed that portion would have an interview! So, that was a great relief to know that I would be invited back.

I was really encouraged because she seemed to be pleased with my results. I hope that they are strong enough to mitigate my lack of experience. I'm really looking forward to snagging this job. I've been praying and trying to be patient for months, so this was a very welcome surprise.

So, after three and a half hours of testing I jumped on two more buses and went to my regular job and was tortured for six hours. It was a trip. Long Day.

5am

That's when I have to wake up; because I have an important job interview in the morning. In fact by the time most of you get to read this I will have been there and back!

The actual interview isn't until 9am, but I have to take two buses to get there and the public transit system here kind of bites. So, in the spirit of getting there early [and maybe snagging breakfast on the way] I'm waking @ 5 in the morning just to make sure there are no mishaps, mistakes, incidents, or anything that could ruin this.

I felt her up and she didn't respond.

We have very...anatomically accurate mannequins in our store. Today I had to undress one of them....whew! It wasn't the first time that I had done it, but it reminded me of how long it's been since I've undressed someone in real life. I had to put her in a dress. I wished it would have been one of the man mannequins! Also I got a very sneaky suspicion about a guy at work. He's very decent looking, a little chubby, but he has green eyes :) melt*

So, I've made it pretty obvious that I have very little experience with this whole guy thing. I'm not sure what the proper protocol is for a guy approaching another guy, so I don't really know how to "read the signs", but I keep looking for a hint from him that he might like guys. And this is the kicker: There are several girls in our store that have a crush on him! I'm actually trying to hook one of the girls up with him, but I don't think he'll go for it.

Half-Truths and Birthday Suits

Well, Tiffany and I had an important talk today. We've recently started speaking to one another again. Our overnight really alerted us to the fact that whatever had driven us to not speaking to each other had dissipated over the last four weeks.

So, today she texted me, telling me what she got her boyfriend for Valentine's Day [the gifts are awesome] and asked if I wanted to hang out. I accepted and we ran all over town and had a really good time just like we used to. I tried to force myself to tell her while we were riding, but I couldn't summon the courage. So, I just told her that I had something important to tell her at 7. After mucho shopping we decided to have dinner at Chik-fil-A. We ate in the parking lot. It was there that she brought it was half past 7 and therefore time to spill whatever I was holding.

So, I told her that I lied to her. She asked me when and I told her it was the beginning of January. It took her longer than I expected to piece the date with whole club ordeal and our subsequent fall-out, but she did get there. I confessed that I was really there with a two friends. I told her that I didn't come with the shirtless guy. He was simply standing beside me when that fucking snitch, I mean mutual acquaintance saw me there. She then asked whether it was a gay club, to which I answered yes. I believed that we were headed toward the heart of the matter now.

Now, I thought surely the next question would surely be "are you gay?" or "do you like guys" at the very least "why were you at a gay club"! There was nothing. I believed at that point that it was truly obvious that there was something wrong with the situation, but she didn't ask me anything. Now, I know my best friend. If she thought that there was more to it, she would have asked. If there was the chance that she believed that I was gay then she would have asked. It seemed like an obvious revelation, but I don't believe that she understands yet.

I can't say that I'm disappointed that the whole story didn't come out. I think I need to take this one step at a time. It was a very big thing for me to go back and be honest about lying to her. I wasn't happy about it in the first place and I wish I could have taken it back. Not only would it have saved us three weeks of being upset, but it would have also completed what I continue to evade. Telling my best friend I'm gay.

*Birthday Suits: Yesterday while we were shopping for Valentine's Day and she was looking for lingerie to wear for her boyfriend. It was then that she asked if I had procured a Valentine, to which I replied no. She suggested Valerie. I was turned off. Valerie and I are simply friends. I know that she wants something more but I am not willing to lead her on when I know that I can't ever be with her. She is not what I am looking for in a girl, IF I was looking for a girl. And currently I am not. I'm still trying to spot the hottie from the shoe store!

After looking in several places we could not find any under garments sufficiently sexy for her to wear, so I suggested that she go over to his house in a trench coat and her birthday suit! After a few seconds of serious contemplation we just laughed. I told her that there might be a draft, but I'm sure that it would do the trick.

I guess it separated us...

Had to do an overnight at work the other day. Inventory. It sucked. I did have an interesting exchange. I had to count stuff and the manager partnered me with my best friend Tiffany. She and I haven't spoken to each other in about 4 weeks. We had a heated exchange by text one night and haven't been speaking since. Fortunately we had to communicate last night to complete our task and our usual banter came back surprisingly easily. I'm glad to be on good terms with her again. We've had each other's back for quite a while and for me, not having my close friend in my corner was a bit painful. So last night was an absolute gift. We banished that rift that had lain between us and became friends again. Our ensuing conversation at having to work with each other was familiar and comforting and straight our funny. It reminded me why we became friends in the first place. We don't have loads in common but we get along great. Fantastic, really; and we understand and give each other space and deference. When we do annoy one another we just leave each other alone for a day or two and that displaces what ever made the other upset.

This time we just never spoke after our fall-out. I suspect she was hurt that I choose to bail on her. But I can't confirm it because we just decided to move forward. A large part of me wants to tell her about being gay. I never thought it was an really, really important topic before I lied to her about going to the club. She doesn't know I lied, but that doesn't assuage my guilt. I knew a few months ago that all this would either come out or separate us as friends. I guess it separated us.

I know it's my fault for letting it become the wedge that jacked up our friendship, but I didn't have the courage to tell her. Plus I didn't want to be judged, or quizzed, or trapped....que hago?

I Gotta Story To Tell

I thought a little while ago that I should explain where I got my blog's name from. Many of you have interesting titles with stories behind them; some funny, some personal, and other satirical. There's really no great secret story as to how I got my name. It's from a Biggie song.

If 'huh' and 'what' were your reactions to that first paragraph, let me explain. Biggie is another name for The Notorious B.I.G. He was a famous rapper from Brooklyn that was assassinated 10 years ago. Now, I am very tolerant of all types of music. As I often say to friends, I am the only guy that you will find the Jonas Brothers and Jay-Z in my iTunes. I have nearly 3,000 songs, so I'm sure that it is pretty clear that I love music.

Now, as a younger guy I was never crazy about rap music. My older brother listened to it heavily, which is most likely why I can tell you all the lyrics from 87.42% of rap music from '91 til about '99 [which is when he graduated and left home]. I guess I didn't like rap because there was nothing in it that appealed to me. I wasn't 'fuckin' bitches' and 'movin' weight' [selling drugs] back then. Still not in respect to drugs, and not much more on the bitches; the point is that the subject matter didn't appeal to me.

I'm not gonna say that I heard B.I.G. one day and was hooked, but there was something different about his lyrics. I liked the way he rapped. His lyrics weren't much less mysogynistic than the others, but his music was prolific. He was like an old bard singing tales in a tavern. There was a story behind the music. That's what he brought each time I heard one of his songs. It wasn't simply clever rhymes and looping 808's. There was substantive subject matter, however mysogynistic the lyrics were.

There is one song in particular that illustrates this point the best. It's title, as I am sure in your astuteness you have gleaned is "I Got A Story To Tell". It's a chorus-less recount of a night spent with a seemingly wealthy woman. After sexual intercourse, he discovers the woman is really the wife of an NBA athlete. The man returns home early and the protagonist [if I may as bold to call him such] is faced with the difficult task of extricating himself from the situation. After which he calls his boys and declares that he 'got a story to tell.'

I guess it would make sense to make this the song of the day
"I Got A Story To Tell" by Notorious B.I.G.

Oh no you don't!

You will not get sick on me, body. I refuse to let that happen. I have trusted you to retain your fortitude against communicable disease during this time of rampant germ exchange. I can not afford to get sick. I am juggling three-too-many flaming torches to fall prey to disease right now. So, man up, get your shit together, and let's get back to the game plan. Work 'til it hurts.

I needed to give me a pep talk. Everyone is getting sick and it's kind of an inconvenient time. I know there's really no 'good time' to get sick, but it's really not practical at this point. I have too many things happening, and too much responsibility to deal with.

Other than what feels like my body succumbing to sickness, nothing much has changed. Today is Valerie's birthday. I sent her a text a few hours ago to say happy birthday. That was around 5am though, so I doubt that she's awake. It sucks cause she's really ill. We had planned to celebrate her birthday, but last night we talked on the phone and it didn't sound as though she was gonna get better soon, so I suggested that we reschedule. She is also my prime suspect for what I feel could be a cold of my own, which is why I have been awake for two full hours trying to fight this off before it turns to a full blown anything. Two February's ago I let my little brother wear my favorite hoodie cause he forgot to wear a jacket and the temp dropped twenty degrees. He wasn't feeling well and I didn't want him to become worse, so of course I gave up my warmth for him. He rewarded me by sticking his used tissue in the hoodie pockets. I got back to school and found the tissue. I was bed ridden for three days as a result. I love the little monkey, but that was just wrong. I now kindly ask him to remove any diseased objects after wearing my clothes.

She noticed...

True to my word I have managed to continue going to the gym. I was getting dressed to go to tonite while on the phone with my brother and he told me he was proud of me. He, for some reason, had it in his head that I was going to workout a few times and then give up. I believe that he realized tonite that I was serious about getting ready for April.

In other news, today at work one of the girls that fancies me asked whether I had been working out. I had been checking myself out earlier in the mirror and thought that the effects of the gym were finally becoming noticeable through my clothes. So I was thrilled that she noticed. I confirmed that I had been in the gym and she gave my bicep a squeeze. I was really happy to have some one notice.

I have absolutely no attraction to her. She's a cool chick, a few years older than me. I feel bad because I'm always flirting with her and asking her to just give me a chance. She suggested that we go see 'Taken' together. I was mortified. I didn't say yes, but I realized that the flirting must stop. I definitely didn't want to heighten her anticipation for what we could never be. I do quite a bit of flirting, just not with the right people. A good song came on from our store soundtrack and I wanted to dance. So, just started grinding my junk against another one of the female associates at the register ;o. She told me not to start something I can't finish. LMAO! The two of us started working there on the same day three years ago and we are good friends. My friend David is actually the one that got me the job there. He called in a favor from a friend and got me an interview. I was really anxious, but I knew once I got into the room that I would get the job. I usually interview very well and that was no exception. Thanks D!

Unable to cope with complete homosexuality...

A small post before I go to the gym. I've been at work since 9am. Just left and 9:30..PM....I love money, I love money, I love money.

Ok. I got a little frustrated. I mentioned my gay coworker before...well there are three of them, but the one that I interact with most. His name is Jake. We talked for a bit today. We usually take turns sharing stories and asking questions. Today he asked me what I consider myself. He has asked me this before by text message one night. I told him African-American, 6'1", 220lbs. He laughed, but I knew what he meant. He wanted me to describe what was my specific orientation.

Today he asked the same question. I told him that I wasn't sure what I classified myself as. If I see someone attractive, irrespective of gender, then I think they are attractive. Why is that not answer enough?! Of course, he says that I have to like one sex better than the other. I told him that's its about 50/50, but I could see he wasn't satisfied with that answer.

This why I kept this whole thing to myself in the first place!!!!! I didn't want someone to do exactly what he intended to, which is try to force me to choose between girls and boys. And it feels like to me that the question is a trap anyway. If I say I like girls more, then he will just assume that liking boys is just experimental college phase that I will eventually dump in favor of being straight; and if I say I like boys more then the assumption is that I'm really gay but hanging on to the thought of liking girls because I am unable to cope with complete homosexuality.

I despise this question and from here forth refuse to answer it unless I feel like it is a genuine question with no hidden attempt to categorize me.

"Song"
I'm still in my Vegas Skies moment as I love the song and will be buying it from iTunes shortly. But if I had to select a song, then I would chose.... Million Ways by J. Rice. He's an excellent vocalist. My favorite song by him is One More Day, absolutely amazing lyrics. I guess that's enough of me gushing over music. If this is just an terrible part of my posts that you guys ignore just say so and I'll stop the song of the day. But I kinda enjoy doing it. I guess I'll post a poll!!!!!!!!!!

So after a few weeks

I am seeing things that I haven't seen in a while. Namely muscle groups that I had allowed to wan into nothingness. My dedication is actually paying off. That's great cause it gives me more motivation.

In other news...I went BACK to the gay club last night! But I'm relatively sure no one saw me. That's because I didn't go in. David, Curtis and I decided to travel back to the club last night. David got to the doors first. I saw him open them walk in and come back out. My first thought was 'Oh no, he forgot something.' But he shook his head and informed us that no one was inside. I thought that was impossible, the club had been open scarcely a month. But when I peeked my head inside I saw that he had not been embellishing. There were about 15 people inside the building. It was laughable.

So, we drove around trying to think of other places that we could go, but at that point I think we all knew that we'd be going home. After driving for a bit we found ourselves back in front of the gay club. I was elected to scope out the scene to see if maybe some people had arrived. So as I peeked in the door I had to control a fit of laughter bubbling up. I jumped back in the car and informed the guys that were even less people in there now, then when we looked the first time. That officially ended our night.

On a music tip, cause I'm obsessed with music, I have discovered The Cab. The lead vocalist is quite talented. He's sounds a bit like Gavin Degraw and the lead singer from Coheed and Cambria. I spent most of last night listening to their debut album. They have lots of potential. I really like their song Vegas Skies

I'm lying to myself

But there is a method to my madness....

In an effort to get back into shape and ready for Spring Break 2009, I have decided to tell myself some new lies. I have realized that the less that I enjoy something the less I tend to do it. This holds true for the gym. I can't stand working out. I prefer playing sports to stay in shape, but that option isn't as easily available nowawdays.

That's why I have been telling myself that I enjoy working out, so that I get into the routine of going; and it's been working. I've gone consistently for the past few weeks, and I feel it becoming one of those things that I reconciled in my head that needs to be done each day. I've already lifted this afternoon and I'm going back tonight.

I changed my away message on yahoo messenger to "April Approaches..." which is my reference to Spring Break. I'm choosing to go in April instead of March cause....well I just want to go in April! That's when I'm used to it, cause that's when we used to go in Florida.

Not really doing anything

The last few days have been predictably boring. Tiffany and I aren't speaking to one another, but I knew that was going to happen Saturday night. However, we've never gone longer than 2 or 3 days like this. We work at the same store and we completely ignored each other Tuesday morning. It's going to be very interesting which one of us cracks first and is forced to speak to the other. I'm too stubborn break the silence.

In better news I saw this cuuuuuute guy yesterday. I had left the store to go each lunch and was walking, minding my own business. I passed a shoe store close to mine and through the window I saw this guy in a green shirt. I went into the store just to see what he looked like. He was freakin' hot. I asked some girl associate whether they had size 13 in the store, she nodded so I pretended to look at some of the shoes on the wall. I think the three female associates were checking me out. I was thinking 'maybe a year ago you had a chance...' I was focused on seeing the hottie close up. I turned to walk closer to get a better look at him and when I turned there he was walking towards me. I kinda froze [which I never do]. We looked each other up and down. I didn't know what to do, so I kind of just left. I wish I was still wearing my name tag so he knew my name and what store to find me at, but I took the damn thing off as I was leaving so no customers would talk to me. And I forgot to smile [if you are reading this Razz]. ARGH! I will be going back in there tomorrow. Today is my first day off in a bit and I've been slaving for the last three days so I'm going to enjoy it.

I don't have anything else planned. I gotta go work out. April is swiftly approaching and I have plans to go somewhere with sand and waves.

And I had the Audacity...

...To go back to the club!

Yes, David called me last night and said that he wanted to go back to the club from last week. I was over my bestfriend's boyfriend's mom's house enjoying Pollo, arroz, y sopa con carne asada. It was sooo good. Haven't ate like that since I was home in Miami. So, while talking to the mom, I got a phone call from David expressing his interest to return to the scene of my first kiss with a guy. I agreed to go, but I was concerned about what happened last time. Not with the guy, but with the girl who saw me. I had every intention to go and not to have a good time. Plus a large part of me was concerned over whether I would be seen again. I wasn't disappointed.

This time I actually saw the culprit who blabbed about last week. Lyn. She was there with two girls. One I had met before and one David knew. I wanted to throw a bottle at her from across the club, but I know Jesus; and my mom would have been disappointed in me. I did showed the big mouth female to David so that he could put a face on the shadowy hater that ran and told everything she could last week.

I felt kinda silly for coming back, but I had a plan this time around. Apart of me wanted her to be there again. I figured that if I was there, but had zero fun that her seeing me there proved nothing. Now, last time I made out with a guy and stuff. So, this time I resolved to stay away from guys, and overall succeeded in not having any fun. I really wanted to dance, cause that's one of my favorite parts about going out. I resisted the urge though. I did find myself bobbing my head or tapping a foot every now and then; but I refused to give in to the music.

I did have to turn down a night with Tiffany to go with David and Curtis. In fairness I had spent the last 3 hours talking to her boyfriend's mom in Spanish, so that she didn't have to suffer though it. The woman can TALK. But half-way through the night I got a headache and cited that as the reason that I didn't want to race Go-karts with them. I told them of my suffering [my headaches are rare, but painful] long before any additional plans were made. Apart of me really wanted to go, but I figured that we could do it another day. I did not like the reaction that I got from her, and we ended up texting each other back and forth until 2am. I was a bit disappointed for some reason. I never put any pressure on her to anything she doesn't want to, and it didn't seem like to me that she had returned the courtesy.

Chances are we are going to ignore each other for a few days. Don't worry that's customary in our relationship. Then she'll call me cause she wants to do something, or I'll start missing her, or she'll have a question. She used to call me Google cause I always have an answer. But I've been recently downgraded to Wiki, cause the other day I said 'I don't know'. Then I told her that her search yielded no results! We had a laugh. But yeah, I think we're going to church with her boyfriend's mother [who loves me! I'm so good with moms; just let them talk ;)]. And then we will start our week away from each other. It is just what we do in place of arguing.

In the meantime I have decisions to make. A lot of comments in the last posts made me think about this whole process. I didn't think that I would have to come to grips with dealing with so many issues with being gay so quickly. I want a boyfriend, but that search comes with much more baggage than I initially planned.

Song
"Keep on Keeping On" by JoJo

The punch that you never see coming, that's the hardest one.

I was blind-sided today. I am rarely taken off guard. I like to know what's coming. It gives me longer to prepare my story, practice in the mirror, ready my alibi. There was no such preparation tonight, little forethought, and shock in amounts more ample that I care for. Let me explain.

I just stepped out of my bestfriend's car 5 minutes ago. We had our usual conversation that covered most of the events of the past week. I see her less and less, so there is much for us to discuss when we do see each other. We wove our way through the conversation and ended up in the rumors section. I made a reference about having fun at a club last Saturday and I sprung a trap. During a few seconds of contemplative silence she informed me that there was a rumor about me.

I would like to say "my stomach dropped" or that my "blood ran cold" but the truth is that it didn't. I was calm and collected. I maintain that my business is my business with people who aren't in my close circle, but realistically I expected that eventually someone would start something circulating about me. Tonight I wasn't disappointed.

Tiffany informed my that there was a rumor that I was seen out at a gay club last Saturday. Someone we know, a reasonably friendly associate of ours, said that they saw me, a short guy, and some shirtless guy hanging out together. I was struck dumb. I was dumber than dumb. I was Helen Keller.

I had spent a week fretting over whether Camille would blab about seeing me, and one of my own associates straight up was telling people. *Backstory* The girl was in love with my bestfriend's boyfriend's cousin [the one whose house we went to for new years]. She and I have a shared love of music, and she is very chill. She declared at the restaurant that we went to last Friday that she was going to become a lesbian because her feelings for the cousin were unrequited. I lauded the intrepidity of her decision. Her name is Lyn.

I, after recovering, laughed at the story. It hurt me to lie so blatantly. Ok, that's not true. It came to me naturally. I felt bad lying to my bestfriend, but the denial and a cover-up story spilled from my lips before I could debate whether or not to tell the truth. There were holes in the story and I quickly poked at them to make them bigger. Tiffany deemed that the rumor wasn't true because of the part about the shirtless guy. She didn't know anyone that I hang out with that seemed to fit the description. The truth was that they mistook Ben for a friend, instead of recognizing the reality of the situation. I was a little whore that night and I never really met the guy myself, but was flirting and making-out. I believe that Lyn might have seen that part and reported such, but Tiffany omitted it from the story out of deference for my perceived heterosexuality.

Other than that the story was dead on. Apart of it made me wonder whether Tiffany had found my blog or not. I had already hinted for her to look on google's list of blogs. Could she really have found it? That possibility and an extra memory popped into my head. Earlier when I was in the club I heard someone call my name. Have you had the feeling that someone, like your mother, has called you when in reality you had only imagined it? I had that sensation, but dismissed it. I figured that I was just worried because it was my first night out.

Now, I am in a very interesting predicament. I had my mind sort of made up to ask David to go back to the club with me, but I can't go now. Tiff told me that the cousin and her boyfriend hadn't believe the story either. She paused noticeably to give me a chance to confess. I think it is reasonable to assume that I continued to play my role. I came up with the lie that there was only one gay club in or city and I had never been there before. And since Lyn was drunk when she "saw" me that added to the doubt factor and my story was accepted. What is funny is that Lyn came into the store last night. We spoke briefly and she shopped a bit. She didn't even mention the club. I find that strange in retrospect.

I also think I might have not played my role as well as I could have. Like I said, usually I have time. Tiffany might have begun to suspect something. Now, I gott bring home a girl......

Re-posted

Thank you guys for voting in my first ever poll. I re-posted the version of the prologue from a few weeks ago, but then I realized that I was being dumb because the new readers wouldn't know where to look. So, I added a link to the right that will take you to the original post where I put the prologue. Feel free to leave comments about what you think. I've been working hard to edit some more of the manuscript to post. As soon as my "editors" [my brother and my friend David] tell me what they think I will be throwing bits up here. Thanks again

If It Gets Around

I had two days off work. One of which was spent recovering from the events at the club. It was such an exciting/scary/learning experience for me. I never thought that I would have the guts to even kiss a guy. Well, that fear has passed. And as a special treat it turns out that I'm pretty good at it!

I am very grateful to my friend David. Although we fought, his actions [whatever their motivations] prevented me from committing some random hook-up. I was very clear that I wanted a memorable experience. Though reasonably cute, Ben was not the guy to bring into my bed for the first time. Thanks David!

It is back to dealing with my real-world issues though. As mentioned in my last post I saw a girl from the place where I work. It was clear that though we recognized each other, we would not acknowledge the others presence. I am mostly concerned about her opening her big fat mouth. I've been at my job since June 2006 and have not [to anyone's knowledge] had a girlfriend the entire time. Now, I don't think it's any of their flipping business what goes on in my personal life, but after a few scandals I am know how personal information gets around.

I'm not really sure what I should do. There are...one...two...three gay guys that work at my job. She is the only gay female. Only one of the guys knows that I'm gay and I'd like very much to keep it this way. Do I contact this girl [whom we shall refer to as Camille] and tell her to keep our run-in to herself? Or do I play the whole thing as though there is nothing out of the ordinary?

I don't know what her impressions are yet. I was so absorbed into making-out that I didn't even pay attention to whether or not she had left the scene or not. Any advice?!

Song
"I Come To You More" by Kim Burrell

Thought of the Day
"How of often do you play dumb?"

-E

I loved that F!&@ing Shirt

Where do I begin...

I've mentioned before that I wanted to go to a gay club, just to feel the vibe and also to get the curiosity out my system. Well, my friend David, a friend of his and I went last night. We chose the newest one in town, which neither of the two of them had ever been to. We got great parking and ended up right in front of the club, so we decided to do a little stake out and see what was up before entering. We ended up sitting outside for 20 mintues! Finally I went in to check it out for them so we could see if it was jumping or not. I walked into the door and there was this very short lady security guard who asked me for i.d. I politely told her that I was just checking the atmosphere out and had two friends that were waiting for me outside. I scoped out the scene: Bar: too small; number of ppl: deep as hell; and a throng of them gathered around a drag queen dancing to a song I didn't know.

So, I went back to the car and told them [in succinctly accurate detail] what was inside. David and I got out of his car and went to his friend Curtis' car but Curtis decided that he didn't want to get out. He wanted to go home instead. I had never met him, but I needed as much veteran support as possible on my first excursion. So, after some very deft coercion he agreed. As he gets out of his car, David turns to me and says, "You're good". I wanted to agree, but it wouldn't have been modest ;) As we approached the door I asked a young lady outside what it was like in the club. Though I had been inside, I had only seen unattractive ppl on the outside when we first parked. She said that it was jumping, but didn't know if it was my type of scene. I [because I love playing dumb] asked her what kind of scene was it. She told me that it was a gay club and that most straight guys probably couldn't handle it. I assured that I was looking for a good time, and if this club was popping then I would be ok. I was both intrigued and amused that she had assumed that I was straight.

So, we stroll into the club, immediately hit the bar and go up to a loft area in the back. We chill for a bit as we watch the Drag Queen show and as David and I point out who we each think is hot and those who should have not been allowed admittance. I must say that apparently, hotties only come out after 12 because after a bit we began seeing quite a few guys that I had to admit were really good looking. I also saw a guy that shops at my store periodically. I thought that he was a cutie when I saw him while I was work and it was a plus that he was in this club tonite. It struck me that he reminds me of Damian from MTV's TRL. In fact he looks very much like Damian but he was only one of sea of many fine mofos walking around at this point. I also must take this time to mention that there were several shirtless hotties walking around as this will be important to the story later on. There was this guy representing Gold's Gym. He kept walking past me. I thought he was trying to torture me with his banging body, like he was the ghost of homosexual-past or something!

After a corona I was ready to dance, which was convenient cause David had to pee [the first of 3 trips to the bathroom for him] and the bathrooms were downstairs. After doing his business we headed out to the dance floor. I'm not too familiar with homosexual culture, but apparently the DJ was spinning some ppl's favorite joints cause the dance space was full. I like when ppl actually dance at a club. It means they are trying to have a good time. I got a spot close to the mirror and started trying to create Stomp The Yard 2. While dancing, simply minding my own business, I look up and see this girl I work with. I almost went into evasive action and prepared myself to duck out the back of the club, but I was having a good time and wasn't going to let her mess it up. There were several straight guys at this club, and I had only danced with a girl so far. We didn't acknowledge each other, but there was a point where we looked DIRECTLY into each other's faces. I thought I was going to die. I somehow managed to survive though.

I continued to dance for a while thinking surely David and Curtis will join me in a little bit and the three of us would be silly and dance around. Nope. I was on the floor alone as they watched from the sidelines. A "slower" song began to play and I started seeing folks grinding on each other, so I fled the dance floor and I re-joined the guys and we kinda bounced around to the side. That was at least until some girl eyed me and beckoned me to come dance with her. I accepted and we danced. She kept rubbing against my stuff. I was sooo sure that she was trying to get me hard. I mean girl was pulling out all her tightest moves and but there was no reponse from downstairs. Nothing. I wasn't aroused not one bit. The song went off, we hugged and parted. I went back over to my friends and we danced and laughed. I felt the night was winding down and was content with my club experience. I had gone out and seen a myriad of spectacles and I had laughed and had a great time.

Then I saw him. I had seen shirtless guys walking around all night. I wanted to touch some, but I didn't. I could only imagine the freaky crap that I would do to them. Well as I was dancing, minding my own business, I was approached by a cute guy. He was white, 5'9, a buck-60, slim build. He had a drink and came close to where my friends and I were standing. He danced next to me for a moment and we danced together. I had never dance with a guy up until that point. He was off beat sorta, so I sat him down and gave him...a lap dance. He was pleased and then we started grinding on each other. I think I lost all sense that there were other ppl in the club. I was thinking to myself that this guy is just teasing me. I saw him on the dance floor earlier dancing with some guy. It was clear that the dude wanted to fondle him, but 'shirtless' wasn't with it. He strictly wanted to dance. So, imagine my surprise when he takes my hand and rubs it up and down his body. It felt too good. We dance close almost rubbing noses, then BAM!! He kisses me. Tongue, lips, saliva all melt into one as I make-out with this guy in the middle of the club. I could not believe it. So continue dancing and kissing, then he to put his hands down my pants. I had on three shirts to that was difficult to accomplish, so I helped him out a little bit. So damnit I slide my hands down his pants. I fish around a little bit. We break apart, gather fresh air into our lungs and we go back to dancing mildy. At this point my heart is racing. David grabs my arm and says, "have you done this before?" I shake my head and yell no over the music. I had no idea what I was doing...I mean I had some idea, but I am not familiar with gay hook-up protocol.

The guy and I get back to our courtship, then like some slut I ask him to come to the bathroom with me. He agrees and we go back there, but a HUGE security guard is watching the back door, which is open as ppl had ventured out there to seal their own sexual deals. It's only my luck that the damn bathroom and back door are so close. I let him go in first, afraid that the guard would bust us if he suspected something. I did follow after him quickly. We had a little fun in the stall [which had no door] and then I watched him take a piss. I slunk out of the bathroom because five ppl walked in at that moment. Back in the club proper we plotted out departure. I suggested that we go somewhere. He said that he would go anywhere if I named a place. So, I said, "what about my apartment?" He agreed to go with me once we find his shirt. We looked around for a bit, but no luck. So I told him that I would give him mine.

I took the topmost of my shirts off and told him to put it on. He did and I led him and David out of the club. Curtis had already made his way out and was in his car [parked next to us]. David realized that I was planning on taking this guy home, and was a little upset that I hadn't introduced them. The truth was that I didn't even know the guy's name. He gave it up [the name] easily and shook David's hand. David asked me what I wanted to do, and I told him that Benjamin [for that was the name he gave us] and I wanted to go back to my place. David suggested that he wanted to be a part of the action, but Ben declined. He said that he wasn't into threesomes. I don't think I was up for a threesome either, I mean it was slutty enough to bring someone home from the club after three dances and not even knowing their name. Ben's refusal seem to hurt David's feelings. So, being the kind, sensitive, knowing friend that I am; I told Ben that tonite wasn't going to work out. I told him that I had fun and if he wanted to exchange numbers maybe we could call each other. He was upset at my snub. I was tempted to ask for my shirt back, but I let him keep it. He couldn't find his and I felt bad for leading him out of the club only to send him back like some fish that didn't quite meet my expectations.

David and I positively had it out for the next hour. I was very upset with him. I can't say with certainty what emotion made him mad at me, but the fact that he was angry with me completely pissed me off. I rarely get angry. I read once that anger was a weak emotion and was often the cause of that which we come to regret most dearly. So, I tried to be in control, but I was seething. We got back to my apartment and we continued our fight. Part of me wants to go and apologize to the rest of the building, lest they heard us yelling at 4am.

This whole thing really surprised me, because I felt like he was making me the bad guy. So, I brought up how selfish he was being. Had I not turned down my first guy to instead go back home with him? Did I not just seemingly lead this guy on only to deny him at the last minute because the friendship between David and I was more important than some random dick at a club? On a night that I was to have my first experience, I gave it up because my good friend had left empty-handed. I cited these things as he grew emotional. It only made me more upset. How could he cry? Why did he constantly have to make this about him? Flashback 2006: David threw me a 20th birthday party. I am constantly uptight, and often branded as the responsible one cause I only take VERY calculated risks. That party was my night to get wild and silly. David got drunk and completely stole the show. He went on a very well remembered rant. The next day he apologized and threw me a second [make-up] party the following week. Do I have to tell you guys that he did the same thing again?! I actually wasn't even mad. I grew up as the middle child, and I don't terribly care for the spotlight so it didn't pain me. I know that that kind of thing is just in his nature. Now here we were in present time on a night that was again supposed to be about me and my going to my first gay club and experiencing all these things which were so foreign to me...and David strikes again. He actually pointed out that this was the first time in all our arguments, and we had argued frequently, that I was actually angry with him. I told him that he can mark it down as the one night that I was really upset. The one time I decided to throw caution into the wind and do something irresponsible.

Well, we reconcile, and I offer to take him home and just crash at his house because he had to be to work at 9am. I really wanted to stay home and sleep in my bed but I had no problem with the offered arrangement. David and his two roommates and I used to live together for two year. We know each other very well. I took him to his place and he asked me to show him my dick again. I was exasperated. My dick couldn't take any more teasing for the night. I gave him the same answer as before. He decided that he wasn't sleepy yet and therefore I couldn't sleep either, so we ended up playing and laughing for the rest of the night while he pretended to come on to me, while I spurned his advances. Admittedly there have been nights, when restless I decided to amuse my self by keeping him up, so I can't say I didn't deserve it. Finally around 6:45 he went to bed and I fell on the sectional in the living room. I had slept on it before because we had it when we lived together, and the damn thing is so comfy that it's easy to crash on. I woke up and one of my other ex-roommates and I watched an episode of House and then he took me home. I proceeded to rush to my computer to type this ridiculously long account of my first gay night out. If you've made it this far...damn. Thank you for reading. You now know all about my first real [sober] experience with a guy. A part of me is glad that I didn't have some random hook-up, but my dick is still mad at me for turning down much needed sex. What's wrong with me? My f*!@ing fingers hurt now. Holla!

I had my Straight Mask on

So, the last few hours of work were so sucky! I made a mistake and was being obsessive about it. My boss was soooo cool. He realized what I did and we fixed it. He knows that I am like a Samurai when it comes to work. If it's not perfect...Seppuku! He always tells me that no one is perfect and I shouldn't be so hard on myself, but I can't help it. I have to feel like I got my shit together at all times.

The good thing was that afterwards I had a great night out with friends! We went to eat at this restaurant that had 2-dollar margaritas. It was so great. My boss and a guy from our company came too. They sat at a different table than us, but it was good seeing them outside of work. They are a bit older, so we let them talk to themselves for the most part. My best friend Tiffany, her boyfriend, his cousin, a friend named Marilyn, Valerie, and I all sat together and clowned the whole night. I bought me and Valerie drinks and we had a plain ole' good time. We had drank our margaritas and then this random waitress slides over to our table with a bevy of shots of Jose Cuervo for our whole table. We were thinking "What the fuck?! Random free shots?" and she explains that the drinks are from a gentleman named Jeff [our manager from work who had come], and we all look over to his table and he holds up his cup to us, smile on his face. It was such a great moement! So I suggest a toast and yell "TO JEFF!" and everyone repeats, then some random guys from the other side of the joint yells "To Jeff!". We roared with laughter and downed the Jose and went back to our convo.

Tiffany kept alluding to me and Valerie hooking up, so V and I decided to play it up. We kept pretending to kiss, and she kept putting her head in my lap and moving up and down LOL. We were just being plain silly. So, after the shot of Jose, a free Incredible hulk {which is Hypnotique and Hennessy}, and Painkiller (couldn't tell you what was in that cup but it was good) I was feeling much better about earlier. I wasn't even supposed to go work that day, but Jake couldn't make it so I filled in for him and then my boss asked me to stay. I also love money and I agree with the whole 'have it and not need it' idiom.

So, the night was fun. There were beautiful guys everywhere! I kept thinking that this was some kind of payback for something I did. Guys were everywhere, and talking and drinking, but I couldn't notice any of them. I had my straight mask on. I didn't even know it at first. I am accustomed to being that way in public; especially with friends. I kinda want to go back tomorrow night without those mofos LOL! See who I can pull.

I'll just go with his.

Kinda a boring week so far. Not boring in the sense that nothing's happened at all, but boring cause NONE of the things that I was planning came into fruition. I guess it would be more appropriate to call it the week of frustration.

I was going to buy a car from a good friend and she completely disappeared off the face of the planet last Sunday and I haven't heard from her since, so now I am still stuck with no car. Then the leasing director of my apartment complex and I not are seeing eye to eye over an issue stemming from October and I received a very official looking letter today, so I have to go in tomorrow and see what damage I can quell before this gets out of hand. I have to find a second job so that I can save up the extra money for my spring break vacation. I have been planning to go away in April so that I can enjoy my spring break. I was in line for a promotion at my job, but they are taking their time in announcing the recipient of the position.

Now, let say here that I am not an impatient person, I'm just not tolerant. Please allow me to differentiate between the two, because there IS a difference. I'm very, very patient. If there is a finite time span that I must endure, then I am prepared to wait the appropriate length. I can wait and wait, because I know that there is an end, eventually. I, however, am not tolerant. I dislike being strung along indefinitely. That is what this promotion crap feels like. I have done the work, I've put in the time, and though it might sound like I'm complaining, I am tired of getting a pat on the back! That shit can't pay my bills. T-mobile would laugh if I gave them a thumbs up. They want effin' cash. It does not assuage my feelings that I do more than my share of work with little, to no reward. HAHA, now I've gone into a rant.

So, as I tell my friends, "It's not the stress that gets you. It is the stress compounded upon stress compounded upon stress that does it. Tomorrow I have the day off. I am going to try to resolve most of my frustrations. I'll go to my leasing office to speak with them, talk to my boss about what they are [realistically] looking for from the person that is going to fill the open position, and call this chick once more about this whip. If any of this doesn't turn out like I mapped it out in my head then I am just going to trust that God has a plan for me that is a bit different from the one I had; then I'll just go with his.

Song
That's What You Get by Paramore

P.S. The snippet of prologue is back up for the guys who haven't read it, and those who have too. I'm working on the excerpt that I'm thinking has the best chance to be posted. Thank you guys for voting! It really means a lot to me. Please feel free to post your comments about it. You can read it here

I'm sworn to secrecy

*This should have been posted a while ago, but I just left it in my drafts...


12/22/2008
For the first time in a while I cooked last night. My best friend Tiffany had been talking for weeks about cooking and we never quite got to it. I'm a pretty good cook and we've made stuff before with great success, so finally we went to the store and gathered what we needed to make dinner. Usually she handles the desert and I cook the main dishes. This time we decided to do a little of both. I made a stir-fry chicken and fettucine. Tiff made some mashed potatoes and peach cobbler. I made a secret family dessert and it was a hit. Her boyfriend keeps asking me how to make and I feel bad cause I'm sworn to secrecy.

Present
So, we cooked again last night. I made something quick before I had to go to work, but it was pretty tasty. I always get excited about cooking. I used to do it all the time for my little brother after our older siblings moved out and our parents started working later in the day.

*Update on the book. I will be posting a new excerpt in the next few days. I got some new readers on the blog so I'm kinda excited about that and I think that it would be cool for them to get to read a bit and tell me what they think. I'm going to try to create a poll to vote on whether I should put the prologue back up. So, the people who read can let me know whether it should be re-posted for a bit. Typing about this gets me excited and nervous.

I'll also be explaining soon how I came up with my blog's title and how it all started


Song
"T.O.N.Y." by Solange

Damn

I'm not sure what I should have done, but this is the scene: I'm at work. I see boy. Boy cute. I engage boy. Boy asks me where the restrooms are. I [personally] show boy restrooms. Now it turns out that the restrooms are locked from the inside, so I go and get the key to let him in. I open the door and he goes inside and looks back at me. I let the door swing shut. Boy does not lock door.

Now, I thought this could be the very opportunity I've been longing for. I just made up my mind to bust into the door and my boss calls my name! He asks me to come with him to the other side of the store. Usually I am very, very good at concealing my emotions, but I guess that I made a face because he asked me what was wrong. I quickly tried to play it off and followed him, but I knew I was barely containing my frustration. I tried to catch the hottie after my boss went away but he and his father were paying for their purchases and leaving :(

I am must take this time to mention that there are now 2 people that know that I like guys. I decided to tell Jake, the guy that I work with; he's also gay. I asked him about the encounter and he said that it depended on the signs, but after I told him he made one of those 'you f*cked up faces'. WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Song
"The Brady Bunch" by Jamie Foxx